The Thing We Call First Love

Chapter 18 - The Courage

I didn't know what I was thinking. I didn't think how I would start the conversation. I didn't think whether she would even listen or just walk away. But for the first time in my life, I was doing something without the fear of being turned down. I was doing something that I wanted to do. I was doing something that I didn't know how to do.

But all of a sudden, everything went blank. Fear started consuming me again. The reason was her beautiful face. I came face to face with her in the stairs. I started shaking. My heart was pounding. All the courage I gathered disappeared and was no where to be found.

Before I could fight my demon and start speaking, she started walking away. I was failing again. As she walked away, Rohan's and Pravesh's voice started echoing in my head.

'DO SOMETHING SPECIAL'

'IF YOU WANT SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE YOU HAVE TO TRY'

The further she went the more louder it became. Without me even realising, I did the extraordinary. Though it wasn't, I regard it as something extraordinary because the Sanjay ten minutes ago wouldn't have done it.

In an awkwardly initially raising and a sudden falling tone, I kind of shout-whispered 'RAAM-YA.' She was at least 20 feet away when I called her.

She stopped and after a moment she turned with an emotionless cold face. ‘I NEED TO TALK.' I said. But before I could finish she turned and started walking again.

The failure that I feared so much struck me. But the failure didn't stop me. I started walking towards her. I decided to tell her what I came to tell her even if she doesn't respond; even if she despises me to the core; even if nothing goes my way.

I was at a distance of a foot behind her. Without seeing her, seeing the floor I started talking. ‘I KNOW YOU HATE ME. I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE. I STARTED TALKING TO ARJUN. I CAME TO KNOW THAT YOU TWO HAD A FIGHT. I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT, BUT HE IS REALLY SAD. PLEASE DO TALK TO HIM '

Before I could finish, she stopped and turned. I didn't want to freeze again and so I looked away. But this time she made me get a heart attack. She took her hand and placed it in my chin and made me turn to see her.

What's happening? Have I succeeded doing the extraordinary? Is everything going to be fine now? Will Ramya start talking to me again? were all the questions going on in my head right from I could feel her soft hand till I could see her red tomato face.

Everything was not alright. She was so furious that I even thought she was going to kill me. She killed me though with her words 'AFTER ALL THESE DAYS YOU COME AND TALK TO ME AND THE FIRST THING YOU SAY IS THIS. YOU WILL NEVER REALLY UNDERSTAND ANYTHING. DO YOU KNOW WHY I FOUGHT WITH...‘

Drrrring... It was the bell. Oh god! Why does it always happen to me? Without saying the reason she started walking to her class. I went behind her apologizing and asking the reason. She didn't utter a word till we reached her class.

Before entering the class, she turned towards me 'RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL, MEET ME IN FRONT OF THE PAROTTA STALL OUTSIDE SCHOOL.'

She went inside her class and I was standing in front of it frozen till her Math sir patted my back and asked me or I should say scolded me to go to my class. I went to my class, sat down and just then reality struck me.

Did I really talk to her? Is this all happening? were all the thoughts I had in the English and Math class. In the evening break, I went to see Rohan with the look of a person who had accomplished the impossible.

He was still angry on me. I told him everything that had happened. Before I could finish he had his mouth wide open. He was shocked alright.

‘DID YOU GET THIS DREAM IN YOUR DOZE DURING THE l CLASSES?' was his answer. I slapped him and giggled.

He hugged me and told 'I'M VERY PROUD OF ME FOR HAVING MADE YOU THIS BRAVE.' He never stops this though. But this time I agreed with him and we both waited eagerly for the evening.

Finally, the bell rang and in a second I was standing in front of the Parotta stall. She came in about five minutes. She had a smile but on seeing me it vanished. She came near me.

‘WHAT MADE YOU FIGHT WITH ARJUN?' I asked. The answer killed me. It made me realize how naive and stupid I was.