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CHAPTER FORTY-TWO nothing like him.
⇨ warnings ; mentions of illness , mentions of a (past) abusive / toxic relationship ⇦
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TUESDAY 26TH, 09:57
"(m/n)?"
johnny called as the (h/c) haired male crouched down in front of the grave, smiling softly.
"johnny, come here." (m/n) turned to the taller male, signaling for him to crouch beside him; which johnny did.
once johnny was right next to him, (m/n) let out a soft sigh.
"minjun was my boyfriend," he said quietly as he reached over and traced the letters on the gravestone. "until he died of lung cancer."
johnny was tense and nervous — he didn't know what to say. he chose to stay quiet instead and listen to (m/n), because for the first time, he's finally opening up about his past.
"that's why i hate smokers so much."
(m/n) turned his head to look at johnny with a small smile. he noticed that johnny had visibly tensed up at his words, so he moved his hand to grab johnny's, intertwining their fingers.
"i've lost someone so important to me, someone i love, because he felt as if smoking was a necessity on living," the (h/c) haired male continued, soothingly rubbing johnny's hand with his thumb.
"that's why i want you to stop so bad."
johnny felt his heart beat faster as he processed those words. (m/n) loves me that much?
"i know we've only known each other for like a month, but something in me just pushed me to make you stop smoking," (m/n) murmured, but johnny heard him loud and clear. "maybe it was the fact you saved me from that bastard. maybe my inner self wanted me to return the favor by trying to save your life, and not end up like minjun."
"i was scared, so scared, because when i told minjun to stop smoking, he..." (m/n) paused, taking a deep breath. he felt johnny squeeze his hand and he squeezed back.
"he beat me, johnny. i was his personal punching bag for a couple of months.."
johnny bit his lip to prevent any sounds from coming out. he knew he shouldn't say anything or react vocally, sharing something like what (m/n) was sharing is hard and responding with the wrong thing could turn out badly.
so, johnny settled with squeezing (m/n)'s hand in reassurance and using his free hand to wipe the stray tears streaming down the (h/c) haired male's face.
"at some point minjun started drinking. he'd come home drunk and beat me harder than usual." (m/n) continued, voice cracking. "i was so scared i'd eventually die, but i was in the blame, too."
(m/n) looked at johnny, his tears cascading down his cheeks. his hand was squeezing johnny's so tightly and johnny squeezed back as they stared at each other in the eyes.
"i was so stupid," (m/n) breathed out after a moment's silence.
"i kept loving him even after all the things he's done to me."
johnny pulled (m/n) into a hug, despite the uncomfortable position they were in since they were crouching.
"you're not stupid, (m/n)," he whispered. "love just makes you do stupid things sometimes."
"i'm scared," (m/n) cried into johnny's chest. "what if i do something stupid again? what if one day you end up like minjun but i stay until i can't take it anymore? i'm so in love with you i might just do that."
johnny closed his eyes, rubbing (m/n)'s back comfortingly. he opened his mouth to speak, but (m/n) cut him off.
"but you're not like minjun, johnny," (m/n) said softly. "i know you aren't. i know you won't stoop as low as him."
the (h/c) haired male looked up and smiled at johnny through the tears.
"you're better than minjun and i'm so fucking lucky to have you."
__________ i'm back :D
yeah i couldn't find a good gif,, hehe sorry abt that
i rlly miss u guys and i miss writing so i hope i can get back to my regular schedule soon!! even tho midterm exams are in like 3 weeks whoops-
this book is coming to an end.. but there will be a sequel! ;D
how have you guys been btw? i hope y'all are healthy and well 🥺❤ i'm doing fine myself uwu
hopefully i can find a good gif soon aksjf it seems so empty w/o one sigh
i rlly wanted to make a long note but idk what else to say so,, kajdskfaljfkda ;-;
i love y'all and thankyou for being patient with me 🥺❤✨
oH YEAH i think i'll be changing the book covers soon hehe
okay that's pretty much it!
i'll post chensung in around 2-3 days,, i need to finish the chapter for my other book so my insta's feed won't look weird- iykwim :") in other words i wanna put the other book teaser first before chensung's :">
