I Ain't Going Down

Juanita

"Eilleen! Wake up!"
Hmmm...Yeah! It was definitely my mom.
"Eilleen!!! We don't have any free time today, so please wake up girl! Today is your grandma's birthday and we need to be there in 30 minutes."
Oh my God! I almost forgot...
"I'm awake! I'm totally awake!...And... Have you prepared the present?" Just two days ago I bought an amazing gift that will make grandma happy dor sure. That idea of home made photo-album of our family just must make her smile...Must! If not, I don't know what else will do...
"Of course."

"How many minutes do I have?" I've put on my best dress, but I still needed to make my hair. "Well, dad is waiting outside so don't make him waitin' more than ten minutes." Oh man...What should I do with my hair? Maybe 'nothing' is the best answer in this case...

After 4 minutes I'm finally done. "Okay mom, now we can go!" I can't wait to see granny. She always makes me feel like a little girl. It's fine. I want to be with her as long as I can.

"Are you ready girls?" Dad shouted with a smile on his face. "Yep!" I shouted back and sat down. So our little trip can start.

Granny lives in a small village, near the woods. There's one unique fact about it: all the houses look the same. Crazy, right?
When we finally found the right house I ran and knocked on the door. "Hello sweetie!" She opened the door and smiled. I know that we don't see her a lot, that's why I'm glad I'm here today.

"Happy birthday! This is for you. I hope you'll like it." I gave her the present and saw her smile again. "Oh sweetie it's very nice. Thank you so much."

"I've collected all photos of our family - from birth till now. I'm glad you like it." After that I went to the kitchen to have a glass of water. As I was pouring the water someone sat down near me. When I turned around I realised that's granny.

"Eilleen...I haven't seen you for ages...Everytime I see you, you're more and more beautiful." I don't know why is she keeps saying this. I hate it.

"I don't think so, granny... I think I'm very good at bein' invisible, as everyone says, so I think I'll stay in this area..."

"You're my little Juanita. It doesn't matter what people say."

What does that suppose to mean?! After 17 years... I still don't know.

"I don't understand...Who's Juanita?" She started to laugh. "Juanita lives in a heart of every woman in the world. She is the restless river running through the vains."

"What? Granny, look, there is no 'Juanita' in me..."

"Do you remember how did you tell me one day, that some girls were laughing, when you said you want to be a singer?" My eyes were getting wider and wider 'cause it didn't make any sense to me.

"Yes, I do...And it's still happening by the way." I laughed. "Don't tell me, there's some connection..."

"When someone tries to take away the freedom of your choice, that's when you need her." She still tries to make me feel better.

"Okaaaay...But I haven't found her yet. I don't feel her in myself."

"You have to....let her take over...than just get to know her and when you feel that you have her by your side, Juanita will unchain your heart. Than nobody can stop you!" I was so surprised by her thoughts. I've never realised that before, but they're really meaningful... Thank God for granny!

"Now I understand! Oh granny...I love you so much. Next time I'll remember Juanita is in me." When she saw I understand she smiled and gave me a hug. This day just can't be better!

At 5 pm. we went home because we realised tomorrow is Monday...Oh how I hate this word! Nothing can be worse than Monday. And especially when you have four exams. Terrible.

From the moment we were home I studied...Three hours! That's not normal. But I have to survive. There is no way if I want to go to university...
Although... I've got really good marks - and I've always had. Oh my GOD! I need to stop being so dumb!

After that horrible hours I found myself in bed. I brushed my teeth quickly and jumped in the bed just in my pants and my favourite (and very large) red T-Shirt. It feels so good after that hard work for me...really...

"Eilleen, wake up girl! It's Monday and your school is waiting for you!"

Oh man! Why do I set my alarm clock every evening, when mom is definitely better, how I see... "Okay...I'm brushing my teeth and combing my hair. If you don't believe it, come here and watch me." I laughed. When it's an ordinary day I'm done in 15 minutes..but at the weekend, 30 minutes are not enough. How is this possible?!

When I arrived at school I saw how is Rita with her stupid "friends" harassing some girl. I didn't want to do anything at first. Why should I?
I don't know her. We've never met before.
Still tellin' myself "Just stay invisible," but when I saw how she hit her and she fell on the floor, I had to do something!

"Rita! Stop!" I can't believe I did it!... Okay... And... What now?

"Oh...our little ugly girl is here..What's your name? Heroine? No...Eilleen!" She started to laugh and her stupid crew too. I want to do something, but what?! I have no idea what to do... It's time to find my Juanita!

"Why did you hit her?! Let her go!" I said quietly.

"I hit her for one reason! Do you want to know which one? Her unwillingness. She is so stupid... Just like you." Every single word what came from her mouth made me sick.
"The only one stupid person here is you! So please, shut your little dirty mouth up and let her and me go!" I can't believe I did it! I feel much better now.

"How could you tell me such a thing?! You still don't know who I am!" she started to blush.
"Oh I know very well who YOU are. You're the one who tries to take away my voice. The one who wants to take away the freedom of my choice! But it's over now. Let's go." I turned around with that new girl and went to class.
Oh by the way, I found out what her name is...It's Jill.

I just can't believe what have I said to Rita. Now I really know that Juanita is inside of me!