𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 | 𝚜.𝚛

𝕾𝖊𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖙 𝖐𝖊𝖊𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖌, 𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖕 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖇𝖑𝖊𝖊𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌

   • you're pov •   

" agent l/n is there something I need to know about you and Dr.Reid?"
It confused me as to why he was asking me this because he knows of our relationship and has been our number 3 fan with Garcia being the first and Morgan being our second
"no sir, why do you ask?"
" because l/n spencer asked if he could not be paired up with you on the field anymore..."
Hotch telling me that made a piece of my heart broke off
Hotch just gave me a sad look and told me we have a case go attend to and we'll talk more about this later
When I left his office I just had this broken face on and oh how it got spencers attention but I didn't pay attention to him because I walked straight past him and into the conference room before he could ask what happened in Hotch's office he just followed close behind me

When I entered the room everyone looked at me as Reid but gave us a confused expression because I had a heartbroken face but Reid had a natural face on to which stopped me from being heartbroken to only agitated as to why he was acting like everything was okay
I sat down in my normal seat which was unfortunately right next to the one person who didn't seem to want me near him, I had put one of my hands on the table that was right next to spencer and he held it and squeezed it tight for reassurance that I was okay

I wasn't.
I was barely holding it together right now.
I didn't squeeze back.
That confused him
His head was spinning with possibility as to why I was acting the way I was.
I ignored him.
I ignored his stares throughout Garcia's presentation.
I ignored his glances.
I ignored his firm and tight hold of my hand.
I ignored everything...
I ignored the signs
I ignored his change in emotion
I ignored his change in physical contact with me
I ignored the cold space in the bed that was between us
I ignored his absence every Sunday
I ignored the hefty amount of coins he had by the bedside my car keys
I ignored the fact that he hardly ever said he loved me anymore
I ignored the fact that he doesn't want to work with me on the field any more for the reason I was too oblivious to figure out
because I was just a consequence of his love because- because...
I quickly removed my hand from spencers grip as soon as Hotch said wheels up in 30 and scrambled to get my things in order and to get my to-go bag but I only got confused stares and a hurt face from Spencer but I gave him a cold one in response

____

when we got onto the jet I sat away from everyone but close enough to hear the profile
I didn't contribute to it though
I didn't have the right mindset nor the energy
When they were done I looked out the window and tried to relax but only to be interrupted by my little voice who came back to sing their oh-so-beautiful song of theirs
Does he really love you
He's cheating you
You should investigate and find out who's that other girl is
Ask Alex
You're not good enough
You're pathetic
You have nothing else to give him
You're useless
He doesn't love you because you have nothing else to give for him to love
You deserve this
Ask him if he's cheating on you
Ask who's the other girl he' saying I love you to is-

The voices came to an abrupt stop when Morgan came to me to tell me we've landed
I gave him a nod but that only cause a single tear to fall
He didn't ask questions, which I was grateful for but he didn't leave my side when we left the jet he didn't remove his arm that was now around my shoulder
It got spencers attention and he made a face... Like he was jealous, he had no right to be he was the one seeing another girl while still in a relationship with me
I rode with Morgan & Alex and followed spencers wished of me not being near him
Everbody just gave each other confused looks by the fact that I didn't want to ride with spencer
I couldn't care less as to what people were thinking as of right now because I really needed to get to the bottom of why spencer has been acting like the way he was

____

After we got to the crime scene and gave out introductions I became more closed off
I didn't talk unless I was spoken to
I only talked to witnesses and family
Everyone kept their mouths shut
Spencer, on the other hand, didn't even look at me
Or said a word
At one point he left so abruptly during the case that left us all in awe and confusion me more so than ever
When he came back Hotch had pulled him aside and gave him scolding, I guess because spencer came back into the station with an annoyed complexion.
____

When the case was over we went straight to the jet ready to just go home but not me I wasn't ready
I didn't want to go the routine of spencer being so cold to me...

"Y/L!" someone quietly yelled at me
I jolted awake
I didn't even remember falling asleep.
"yea, what happened?" I asked tired halfheartedly hoping it was spencer who woke me up but I was disappointed to it was Alex who had woken me up
" We landed, we're just waiting on
y/n"
"Sorry," I said while gathering my belongings and walking out with her
"c'mon your riding with me, I'll drop you home," she told me, grabbing my arm really not giving me a choice to say yes or no
when I got in the car with her and she started to drive off I couldn't hold it in anymore I just started crying letting all my built-up emotions from today
when Alex saw this she became worried and pulled over to the side of the road
"what's wrong y/n!?"
I could speak
only incoherent words came out
it was all too much
" i- i- think spencer is cheating on me" I finally choked out
" oh Hunny," she said pulling me into a hug
the worse part was she didn't deny it
she didn't say anything about what I had just told her
after the hug, she pulled away and dropped me home and gave me a sad smile as I walked out and I returned it with my tear-stained face.
while I was walking up the stairs I quickly wiped my tears and took some breaths
I didn't really think spencer would be home because most nights he never was, either with morgan 'hanging out' or at the bau filling out paperwork but to my surprise, he was and I decided to question him  because
after all, we've been through I just needed to know
after three years of being together, I needed to know
after 5+ weeks of straight-up agony and crying in bed by myself I need to know...