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Carla
I left him.
Again.
When I opened my eyes, waking up from the most wonderful dream I had in a while, I realized only it wasn't a dream, and that I was indeed cocooned in the warm, safe and tender embrace of Samuel's arms, he held me closely, his grip on me both gentle and tight.
He enfolded me with his whole body as if I wasn't real.
He was also in deep sleep, his figure tranquil and still, breathing slow and hot on my forehead, his lips pressed tightly against it. The warmth of his feverishly hot skin penetrated my clothes, sinking deep into my flesh.
I lean back slowly, recovering fast from my unconsciousness, I look at his stunning face in repose, my heart beating fast and loud. As if he could hear it, Samuel's hand gently caresses the back of my head, his fingers swaying through hair, playing with the strands unconsciously.
I close my eyes, focusing on the adored, familiar scent of him, trying to figure out a way to slip from his hold without waking him. I decide to push him away gently with my hands on his chest, I resist when I feel his pounding heartbeat against my palm but still manage to put distance between us, he stretches to settle on his back, arms slowly letting go of me to spread on the mattress, I stay unmoving, waiting for him to doze off again.
Within a few moments, his tempo falls into the rhythmic evenness of sleep, he sighs heavily with a frown on his face and I push onto my elbow to make sure he's not having a nightmare. When he doesn't move a few seconds after, I move slowly off the bed and grab my purse from the floor, I then pick the tangled blanket near his feet and lay it on his small body.
I know I should leave before he wakes up but the urge to stay with him a little longer overpowers me, so I sit in the edge of the bed and watch him, his breathing is calm despite the arch between his heavy brows, his mouth is parted and somewhat murmuring something repeatedly, leaning closer I watch the way his lips formed silent whispers of my name, the letters softly voiced causing my heart to tighten in my chest. The pain deepens when he swiftly presses a hand on his heart while doing so, as if to soothe the hurt he was feeling.
I stand up quickly, my hand wiping a tear that falls down my flushed cheek, I walk silently out of the room and leave him.
I storm out of the hall and into the living room, I wave goodbye at Valerio who tries to stop me by giving me what I came here for, but after the peaceful sleep Samuel's just gave me, I couldn't stand the thought of taking them, so I just ignore him and step out of the door fast and unintentionally causing it to slam loud behind me.
I walk nervously outside, hail a cab and go straight home.
I spend the rest of the night in bed, I change into my favorite T-shirt, I loose my bra and stay in just my underwear, nothing else. I fall onto my bed, pressing my face deep in my pillow, wishing it were his. I was well rested thank god, but my eyes were still weary and unfocused, clearly not from the lack of sleep, somehow the few hours I dozed off in Samuel's arms enough.
