Listen // Lams

Chapter 11

- Alex -

"Hey, what's going on, Vanessa?" John asked as he answered his phone. It felt like ice water was running through my veins the second he said her name. Something had to be wrong if she was calling, right?

John paused as he listened to her speaking, nodding and beginning to speak every once in a while, but would get cut off by her continuing to talk. After a little while, a worried look painted itself across his face and he began to speak.

"Okay. We'll be there in 10. See you soon." He said, hanging up to phone and tell me we needed to go.

What happened? I signed as we walked back to the car, hoping things weren't terrible.

"Alex... he's in really bad shape. They think this might be it..." He said softly as we got in the car. Just the words I didn't want to hear.

I knew this was coming since we got the first call back in New York. I just hoped that he'd be able to pull through, get better. My hoping clearly wasn't enough to get him to do all that.

John sped to the hospital so we could get there as fast as we could, glancing over at me every once in a while. I just stared out the window, not knowing what to feel or how to process yet another loss.

Soon enough, I was sitting by myself next to Usnavi's bedside. He was out of his coma but barely awake, and he smiled when he saw me. I could see the pain and fear in his eyes as he knew everything was coming to an end for him.

I took his hand in mine and he turned his head to face me on the pillow as he whispered shakily to me.

"Don't join me too soon up there, promise? I don't want to see you again until you're old and gray. I mean that in the best way, of course. I love you, Alex. I'm so glad for the time we had together." He said, stopping every few seconds. He was out of breath and struggling to put his sentences together. I wished more than ever in my life that I could just open my mouth and talk. I couldn't.

Usnavi, I don't know what I'm going to do without you. Instead of signing, I had been typing everything I wanted to say to him into an app I had that would just play the words through my phone. I didn't want him to have to struggled with keeping up with my signing.

"Let John guide you. He's so good for you, I know he'll help." He said. I nodded before typing again.

You don't deserve to go so soon. I can't lose you too, not after everyone else. The voice spoke through my phone. He shook his head and smiled a little, squeezing my hand with the little strength he had left.

"It'll be okay. I know things aren't easy for you. But I believe in you. You will get over the loss of me." He whispered, a sad smile on his face. I shook my head.

I'll never get over it. I love you. The noise came out of my phone and I desperately wanted it to be coming out of my mouth. I wanted to tell him I loved him and how great of a cousin he's been to me and how he welcomed me to South Carolina with such open arms.

"I love you too, Alexander. I believe in you." He said, barely audible. Beeping sounds began to fill my ears and his smile faded off his face as his eyes began to lose their shine. Oh God. Oh my god.

Doctors ran in and ushered me out, but that was the end. It was over. He was gone. I knew they couldn't save him now.

John pulled me into his arms tightly when I entered the hallway where he was, feeling like I was floating out of my body. It was like someone flipped a switch and my emotions had gone from being there to absolute nothingness. I couldn't feel anything, and it scared me a little bit.