my sweet escape. park jihoon

02

•••

CHAPTER.02
ELEANOR

"Eli, what happened?" Ms. Kim asked.

Pinatawag niya ako sa klase after makita niya ang test paper ko, hindi ko pa talaga nakikita yung exact score ko, let's face it, it's not worth seeing kaya ayaw ko na makita 'yon.

"14 correct items over 40?" I could hear the disappointment in her voice, ako din naman na-disappoint sa sarili ko.

I stood there, looking down on my feet. I was already ashamed nang ipakita sa buong school ang pagbagsak ko sa honors and now, lalo lang akong na-down kasi kahit si Ms. Kim, disappointed na sa akin.

I can already hear my mother's voice when she finds out I failed after telling her I might replace Yedam on his position. Well.. at least nga hindi ako yung nag replace sa position niya, si Jihoon yung pumalit, hindi ako— what am I saying? Mas lalong magagalit si mommy nang malaman niyang ibang tao na ang kalaban ko sa top 1.

Hindi ko naman gusto maging top 1! Hindi pa ba sapat sa kanya yung mga nakakaya ko?

"Eleanor, what happened?" she repeated her first question but now with my full name. Parang nanay ko lang 'to si Miss ha, pero minus the masasakit na salita at pagkukumpara, ganitong ganito na si mommy.

"Hindi ko rin po alam, I'm sorry." I didn't notice a tear that fell on my cheek while I kept on talking to her.

I'm so disappointed at myself! Bakit ko ba hinayaan na bumagsak ako nang ganon na lang? Bakit ba never na ako naging maayos sa lahat? Bakit ba kasi hindi ko kaya maging yung tao na gusto ni mommy na maging ako? Ang hirap naman.

I just stood there, realized the tears that fell down my cheeks. Hindi ko naman alam na ganito na pala ako ka-hina. Sige, Eleanor, pahiyain mo pa sarili mo. Hindi sila maaawa sa'yo.

She sighed, heavily. "Do you have any problems ba, anak?"

I sniffled, wiping my tears with my sleeve. "No, Miss. It's just that I'm not very good at everything." pinilit ko pa din ngumiti kahit na namumula na ang mata ko, kakaiyak.

She forced a smile, but her eyes look worried. I felt her hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to be good at everything, okay? If you need help, ask for help."

Napangiti ako sa sinabi niya ang hugged her tight. I always trusted her pero I still felt bad that I failed her exams, she must've been surprised how I got low scores. Hindi talaga kasi kinaya ng utak ko yung exam na 'yon. Dasal na lang ata ang maisasagot ko, if ever magkaroon ulit ng exam na ganon.

After my talk with her, dumiretso na ako sa classroom na may nararamdamang pag aalala pa din. My anxiety went down through my body, nanginginig na'ko knowing that I have to face my classmates after sa kahihiyan na 'yon.

Pagkapasok na pagpasok ko sa classroom, all eyes were on me, but they probably had a hint how anxious I was kaya nilayo nila kaagad ang atensyon nila sa akin.

"Hoy! Bukas na daw pasahan ng research paper!" may sumigaw na kaklase to distract them, siguro.

Bigla na silang nagkagulo gulo ulit as if naman hindi nila ako pinag usapan, kasi sure ako, pinag usapan nila ang kapalpakan ko. Wala naman akong magagawa, wala eh, I'm stupid.

"Babe, are you okay?" tanong ni Nine na biglang tumabi sa upuan ko.

I nodded slowly, smiled softly, unsure if I was really okay.