Total Eclipse of the Hart

Epilogue- Total Eclipse of the Hart

Instead of the normal things I put here, I wanted to write a heartfelt thank you instead. If mushy words of thanks aren't your thing, no problem, I'd advise you to scroll to the squigglies.

So, this is my very first work on Wattpad, and I never pictured this to get more than maybe fifty reads. I wrote this as a way to become comfortable with my sexuality and writing fiction, which I enjoyed. I've always loved to develop characters and write whatever the hell I wanted, and so thank you all for putting up with cliff-hangers and weird POV things and awkward hints at sex and romance.

Your comments always made my day, and every vote helped me develop the story and realize that people actually enjoyed what I was writing. I'm so sad to see my story come to a close, but I hope to write another (very different) fanfic after I finish my medical drama, Code Blue. Again, thank you all so much.

Much Love and many comforting hugs,

Our Harto.

xx

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"So take the photographs and still frames in your mind/ Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time/ Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial/ For what it's worth, it was worth all the while/ It's something unpredictable but in the end is right/I hope you had the time of your life."

- Time of Your Life, Green Day

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"Here comes the rain again/ Falling from the stars/ Drenched in my pain again/ Becoming who we are/ As my memory rests/ But never forgets what I lost/ Wake me up when September ends/ Summer has come and passed/ The innocent can never last/ Wake me up when September ends."

-Wake Me Up when September Ends, Green Day

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I wander on the beach, feeling the sand on my feet as the waves crash against the shore, moving without pause. I sit on the white sand, wiping my hands on my khakis.

How long has it been since that day?

Four months?

Gosh, I miss her.

I see her smile and hear her laugh every day. Every time I do, I turn around, hoping to wake up from a dream gone awry.

I always turn around to blank space and crushed hopes.

Her death replays over and over in my mind. I always am there, clutching her hand, crying on the sand as she bleeds out before my eyes. I felt helpless, and I always will.

Billy Joel told me that only the good die young, and I have to acknowledge the truth in it. It doesn't help with the pain, but it helps me know Julie is with Nat.

Maybe she's happy.

For her sake, I hope she is.

I pick myself up from the sand, and walk back to my car. I grab the small urn and the other object on my passenger seat, unbuckling it from the seat belt. I lift the heavy jar, my throat closing as I cross back to the sand. I look up at the clear sky, and a tear rolls down my cheek and makes a mark on the sand. I walk to the water, the foam splashing my khakis as the waves pool around my ankles. I open the urn, placing the top of it on the dry sand.

An earthy smell rises out of the urn, and her perfume wafts lightly towards me. The tears come faster now, and I gently take a handful of her ashes, spreading them into the sea.

"Time for you to go home now, baby." I say, my voice hoarse. I watch the ashes scatter, receding to the ocean.

I grab another handful, sprinkling it around me on the top of the sea.

"On the ship, you mentioned the beauty of the sea. The endless mysteries, and unexplored depths. You thought the ocean was the most marvellous thing in the world, but I always thought the most marvellous thing in the world was you." I manage to choke out, the tears raining gently on the ocean's surface.

I empty her into the sea, my heart sore. The wind caresses me, as if I was back on the balcony with her again. I lay back on the sand, not caring if I ruin my clothes. The tears flow freely, soaking my face and pooling in the sand.

My baby. I've lost her.

I've lost my world.

Hours later, I get up from the sand, grabbing the empty urn and the other object, my notebook, placing it in a small bonfire on the beach. I walk away, turning my back to the flames, destroying the notebook and the urn. I drive home, barely holding myself together.

I close the door to my house, and Mamrie and Grace, my roomates, see me and know immediately.

"Oh, Han," Grace says, as Mamrie runs over to me. I sink to my knees in the carpet, my body racked with sobs.

"I did it. I let her be free," I say, sobbing into Grace as she hugs me. Mamrie's eyes fill, and we sit on the carpet as I cry nonstop.

"Honey, I'm so, so sorry," Mamrie says, crying.

"Me too," I sniffle, my heart aching.

Five days later, I drive myself to Dr. Isabelle's office. I see Dr. Isabelle weekly now, and our appointments are much friendlier. We've both learned to get along, and just accept that we're different from each other.

"I did it." I say hollowly, and she hugs me.

"Oh, Hannah. I'm so sorry, sweetie." She says, guiding me to the chair.

"I have to heal. She wouldn't want me like this," I manage to get out around my emotions.

"You're right," She says, "She wouldn't."

"I still love her, I think I always will. You can't forget a person like her," I say.

I get in my car after the session, my fingers searching for my CD'S. I pull out one I hadn't seen before, dated only a few days before Julie's death. She titled it "Love goes on". I place it in the CD player, curious. Immediately, How to Save a Life plays, and I feel my emotions start to get the better of me.

I've learned that life isn't meant to be easy. Maybe life kicks us in the head until we realize that we have to rely on ourselves to be strong and get back up.

Now, I have to pick myself back up, not just for me, but for her.

So she can live on.

I drive by my house, listening to her playlist and soaking in the California sun.

Love transcends everything.

THE END.