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Chapter 11

Steven waited outside The Big Donut for about ten minutes before Lars turned up, dressed in a grey shirt and black skinny jeans with a rucksack over one shoulder. He waved over to Steven who then gave a light smile in return.

"Hey, Steven. Got any ideas on what you wanna do?" Lars asked.

"Umm..." Steven pondered. "How about...the hill where we took that magic moss that one time? Kinda nice up there..."

"You know, that isn't a bad idea. Let's go." 

When they got there they sat down and Lars took some snacks and drinks out his bag. He had a couple of ciders and held one in Steven's direction.

"You want a cider man? I know you're only 17, but it's just a cider, y'kno? Who hasn't drunk alcohol underage." He laughed.

Steven gently took the bottle from Lars hand and looked at it. "Actually...yeah. Thanks, Lars." He smiled. "Uh...how do I open it?"

"Oh uh, sorry." Lars took it back for a second and opened it with a bottle opener on his keys, then handing it back. Steven took a swig.

"This is...really nice! I wasn't expecting that!" 

"Yeah, it's one of the fruity ones. Normal cider's a bit crappy." Lars took a swig of his own cider. The sun had started to set, making the sky a mix of deep pink and purple colours. "So...how are you doing? Last time I saw you you weren't doing so good."

"O-oh...yeah, I'm totally fine! Great, actually!" Steven gave Lars the biggest fake smile he could muster. Lars was not so convinced.

"Uhh...I don't think you're being entirely honest, somehow." Concern flashed over Lars' face.

"What?! I'm okay, really!" Steven lied.

"You know...you're easier to read than you think, Steven." Lars took another sip of his cider.

"What the heck does that mean?!" Slight annoyance could be heard in Steven's voice.

"N-no, it's nothing bad, I just...I can tell somethings wrong. You seem kinda...down."

"Is it...is it really that obvious?" Steven quietly murmured. 

"So what's up, man?" Lars' faced Steven.

"You wouldn't get it..." Steven put his face in his hands.

"Well I can try? I'm here for you, Steven."

"I've...I've been having these...'panic attacks' recently...and they suck. They really suck. I'm terrified of them. And the only thing that makes me feel better i-" He quickly snapped his mouth shut. 'I almost just straight up told Lars, shit!' He thought.

"...Is what?" Lars looked concerned.

"Nothing! It's nothing." Steven squeaked whilst mentally punching himself repeatedly.

"This is pretty bold of me to ask but... you don't... hurt yourself, do you?" Lars awkwardly asked.

Alarms went off in Steven's head. "E-excuse me?! No, what the hell, why would you even-"

"Okay, okay, calm down! I only ask 'cause I...I used to have panic attacks, and the only thing that calmed me down was...well." Lars looked at the floor.

"O-oh. I'm sorry..." 

"No, no, it's fine! It was years ago..."

Steven debated telling Lars. 'Maybe I should tell him, maybe he could help me! But...He'd probably just think I'm dumb and not want to talk to me anymore. He doesn't really care. No one does.' He hadn't noticed but he'd started glowing pink.

"Uh, Steven, you're glowing pink again..."

"Ahh!" He yelped, screwing his eyes shut trying to calm himself. He could feel a panic attack coming on.

"Steven! Look at me, it's okay! You're safe!" Lars tried calming him.

"No! No I'm not! Why does this keep happening?!" He curled up in a ball on the floor, gasping for breath.

"Come on, sit up and have a sip of water, it'll help, honest!" Lars grabbed a bottle of water and brought it to him.

"No, no it won't! I can't breathe, Lars, help!" 

"Steven trust me you're going to be-"

"I-I have to go, I can't be here right now, I need to go!" Steven awkwardly stood up and stumbled away while Lars looked on in shock. He quickly went and gathered his belongings before running after Steven.