Only With You

Chapter 4 : Haunting

                                       LEXA

I think this movie is going to kill me. If it's not freezing cold, it's pouring rain. I knew going in that this script was full of deadly action stunts, I agreed to try to do myself. I was so excited about the stunts that I overlooked the vapid airhead moments. I read the script and I knew all of this when I signed on, but seeing it on paper, and living it are two completely different things. I am so tired. I can't sleep and so it's so cold it feels like I will never be warm again. I am so happy I have the next few days off to recover from all of this. And to top it all off, in a moment of slap happy exhaustion/stupidity, I sent a text message to Clarke Griffin, the girl I am going to be living with for the next few months.

She got the part I wanted, but I am just as excited about the role they created for me, The Commander. How cool is it that they made a character just for me? I admit to Googling Clarke when I found out she got the Taylor role. I wanted to see what they saw in her. I was a little taken aback that there isn't much out there about her. She has had a few small parts on various shows, and some parts on Australian TV but that's it.

She is extremely attractive with this whole fresh faced, almost girl next door-esque thing happening. I think she is shorter than I am, but I am not sure how much. She is muscular but still has these amazing feminine curves and these blue eyes that are so striking you can't look away. With her blonde hair and blue eyes, she looks like she should be a model, and not an actress. That's not all though. In the photos I did find of her, she always has this amazing smile on her face or is laughing. How is she going to play such a serious, bad ass, strong character if she is always so happy? As much as I hate thinking the worst of other women in this industry, maybe she slept her way into my role. I dismiss that though just as quickly as it formed, she wouldn't be so nervous if that was the case.

We have texted several times since that first night. I have been sure to keep the texts short but polite, but she makes it hard to not like her with her kindness. For some reason, the more I talk to her the more intrigued I become. She has slipped past my normal defenses with relative ease. I have no idea how she did It. We started out with random texts here and there about our day and gradually those increased to texting each other about everything. All the texting led to us Skyping a few times and we have started talking to each other almost every day. It got to the point that my day doesn't feel complete if I didn't talk to Clarke.

There is something about this girl. Talking to Clarke is so easy and she doesn't want anything from me. It is refreshing to be able to talk to someone about my life. We have of course kept it light, but something about this girl makes me want to tell her everything. She feels safe and I am starting to crave that safety more each time we talk.

When she arrived at "our" new house she sent me a text asking if I had a room preference. She sent several photos but the one I focused on the most was a photo of the view from a bed. I could see her feet in the photo, so I am assuming she was laying on the bed when she took it. I think this must be the room she chose, but I am really trying to not think of Clarke in bed. I glance at the other photos and realize that the house they got for us is really nice. And the views are amazing. She includes several photos of the kitchen, which doesn't mean much to me since I don't cook, but I could tell it was important to her. I will have to ask her more about that the next time we talk. I tell myself I should put a stop to talking to this girl so much, but I get this odd sense of peace and serenity when I am talking with her that I haven't had since before Costia. I feel like a junkie for it. That feeling is so addicting, once you discover it. I briefly wonder if this is the feeling Costia was chasing with drugs and alcohol. I shake myself out of those thoughts, just as quickly as they popped in my head. I don't want to think about how I failed her. Of course, not wanting to think about her has the exact opposite effect.