When Life Gives You Monica

CHAPTER ELEVEN

It's been two days and my vagina hurts whenever I pee or bath. My mind cannot stop thinking on what Tyler did to me. He's still texting me as if nothing happened, my mom still hasn't been home. I have no one to talk to, what will I even tell whoever I'm close with? That I have been raped by my boyfriend? Who will even believe me? When I myself am still in denial that I've been raped? Isn't rape defined as unconsent sexual intercourse? All these questions in my mind that's making me feel like ending it all. Never in a million years did I ever think that this would happen to me, my own lover, do this to me? I can't stop crying, I really want to self harm, but the process is tiring. So I just go to sleep instead. Sleep has become my number one favorite drug in this crumbling life of mine. After losing track of sleep, I get a phone call from Tyler. I don't know why but here I am answering his call and talking to him like nothing happened, I can feel myself smiling and trying to cover the hurt but i seem to be failing at it because i end up breaking down and just dropped the phone call. Tyler keeps calling and i decide to switch off my phone. I really need someone to talk to, i dress up and head to Bella's house. I obviously don't get straight to the point because i haven't seen her in weeks and she's updating me on her current boyfriend, she seems so happy and isn't able to notice the pain behind my eyes and smile. Without breaking down, I shout out "I think I've been raped", things get a but awkward at first. For a moment I thought she really cared since she asked me what happened, although I couldn't explain in detail because amnesia had kinda gotten into me but I told her what I could remember. The only words that uttered out of her mouth were "oh, I'm sorry". What? My own bestfriend? Doesn't believe me? My nonexistent heart just shred and I was crying in the inside. She changes the topic and tell me stories of her other friend that had been raped like I didnt just tell her that I was also raped. Just like that, we brushed off my rape story and started talking about something else. This is why I am so secretive I remind myself. Everything is getting boring so I say my goodbyes to Bella and head out and get home. The first thing i do is break down, my thoughts feel way too hot for my brain and I can't seem to control myself at this point. I rush to my bedroom and find my special box of razor blades, I make a deep horizontal cut on both my wrists and just lay on my bed till I bleed to death. It's been 30mins and I'm starting to feel unconscious. I can hear my mom alongside Mr Smith get inside the house and shout out my name but I'm way to unconscious. Slowly and slowly, I can feel my spirit exiting my body. At that moment, I felt happy but scared at the same time. Oh no, I do not want to die! I try to call out on my mom but I am too weak. My mom gets inside my room, I hear her crying and shouting after that, I blackout. Am I dead already?