Hold me

Chapter 57

Susan's POV

...

I followed her inside the restaurant, they were just about to open and the host looked surprised. "I wanna speak to your boss," Gabby said and he nodded. He took her to his boss's office. I waited for her by the entrance then I saw her walked out of the office and followed her upstairs. A couple of waitresses close the area with a red ribbon and I looked behind us a little surprise. Did she really book this whole area for us?

She walked over to a table and I followed right behind her, my heart is beating so hard that I'm afraid she can hear it, no one has said a word. "Gabriella," I said trying hard for my voice not to break because all I can think about is crying. "I- I don't know what you want from me, but I'm not gonna play any games with you," I said staring at her trying to be intimidating. "If you want money I can give it to you," I said looking through my purse to avoid seeing her eyes. "I don't want your damn money," she said harshly. "Then what is it? Why are you looking for me?" I asked. "Is your father here with you!?" I asked afraid he might come after me. "No," She said. "And why do you care if he's here?" She asked and I instantly look at arms, where scars from all the times he beat me up used to be, now you can only see them if you stared at them. "Then what do you want?" I asked. "You left us," she said and I felt my heart shattered. "You said you were coming back for us," she said staring deep in my eyes, oh my sweet girl I did come back for you two but it was too late. I composed myself quickly. "If you want an apology for what happened, I'm sorry," I said. "You know I tried to tell myself that you would come back once you had a place of your own when you find a job," she said. Oh, my sweet angel that was my plan all along. "That you were going to come for Dani and me so we would be together," she said. My little girl that's all I wanted... "I left you with him because he was a beast, but not a monster," I said looking at my arms. "I was sure that he wouldn't hurt you, or Dani," I said. "How sure are you now?" She asked quickly taking off her shirt showing me her back. I gasped, and when she turned around I saw some more on the side of her stomach, and some still visible over her tattoos. It took all of the willpower I had left to keep me from wrapping her up in my arms and tell her how sorry I am and how much I love her but I quickly composed myself and she put on her shirt again. "You left us, you didn't even look back," she said. "I was 3, for fuck sakes," she said. "Why Susan? You were our mom! You were supposed to care for us, protect us, you were supposed to be there, it was your job," she said slamming her hands on the table making me jump. "I was young and naive, I wasn't ready for this, I wasn't ready to be a mother, how could I care for you two when I couldn't even take care of myself?" I asked. "Am I supposed to know the answer to that?" I asked. "There is not a good excuse to explain what you did," she said. You're right baby, there isn't and I am so sorry... "You said you loved us, was that a lie too?" She asked and when I nodded my heart broke a little more. I need to keep her safe, I need to keep her away.

I took a deep breath and then composed myself to speak. "I thought I did," I said. "I thought I was going to be okay with your father, he was everything my parents wanted for me, and for a few years, I thought so too," I said. "What changed?" She asked. "He became aggressive, but by then I was already expecting your sister," I said and this is probably the only true thing I've said. I wanted to leave that beast and give my girls the world. "Your father wasn't the man I fell in love with anymore, and I never wanted kids," I lied when I found out I was expecting her I was the happiest. "Why have we in the first place?" She asked. "Your father wanted kids, and as his wife, my job was to please him," I said biting my lips to keep myself from crying. "So you lied when you said you loved us?" She asked. "Like I said I never wanted kids, I thought that maybe I didn't feel that love because I couldn't see you and that maybe once I had you in my arms the spark everyone says you feel in your heart was going to happen to me," I said. "But it didn't happen," she said and I nodded. Biting my lips harder. She will never forgive me for saying all this... "And yet, here you are with two other girls, how old are they?" She asked. "They are Kent's daughters," I said and she laughed shaking her head. "Abigail is 6, and Katie is 5," I said. "So you take care of kids who aren't even yours?" She asked. "And then decide that you don't give two shits about your own daughters," She said. "Like I said I was young and naive, I think you're old enough to understand this," I said wanting to kick myself hard. "No, I'm old enough to know that you left because you wanted it to, you could've taken us with you, you could've done so many things differently but you didn't want to deal with it, I'm old enough to know that Dani and I were never good enough for you," She said. "You left us, Susan, you fucking bailed on us," She said slapping the table. "You left us all alone, and there wasn't a day that Dani wouldn't wait for you at the door for you to come back," She said. "But you didn't," I said and she shook her head. "I stopped waiting after a week," she said.