Gays With Guns

I Remember When I Lost My Mind

Noah awoke from the sun pouring into the room. It felt different though, it wasn't nearly as bright most days. He groaned softly and whimpered, details of the previous night all coming back to him. There was still some dried blood underneath his fingernails. Oliver had given Noah a bath, but everything was foggy afterward. A small chill ran through his body, finally able to register that he was definitely not in the basement.

Noah stirred about on the soft sofa and booted the silk blanket off himself, looking to his right and seeing Oliver tossing around in his sleep. That triggered another flashback, making himself kick his legs around. Noah worked himself up, gasping and coughing. Oliver sat up in the bed and huffed, looking at Noah with a deadpan face.

"You can come in if you want." Oliver offered, laying back down and holding eye contact with Noah. It immediately pulled Noah back into reality. Oliver grinned a little and chuckled, "C'mon up. I don't bite." He stuck his tongue out in a teasing manner and patted the bed for Noah to join him.

Noah hesitantly climbed onto the bed, having a little trouble because of his cuffs. Noah didn't understand why Oliver wanted him to wear them, hadn't he proved himself worthy last night?

"I want to tell you...about...the fire." Noah halted, just hearing about it made the room fill with imaginary smoke. Tears pricked at his eyes and fell onto the white sheets. "Oh, angel," Oliver whispered, wiping away the other's tears with his thumb. Noah didn't jerk away as he would have just a few days ago. Instead, he let Oliver's gentle touch take care of his tears. Noah had grown to like the little nickname he earned from Oliver.

"Go ahead, please." Noah stammered, sniffling quietly and leaning into Oliver's hand. He felt his cheeks be caressed and poked by Oliver who was clearly studying Noah's complexion. He manages a slight nod and starts explaining, having no trouble holding Noah's attention.

Oliver remembered the day of the fire. How could he forget it? Ironically enough the day was implanted into his mind. Ever since he was a young child fire had always fascinated him. The sour smell of smoke was addicting to him. Oliver loved to set piles of leaves into flames and watch them crinkle and disintegrate. The bigger the fire the better.

The fires started out small. Just a simple flame on a match would catch his eye. Things got out of hand fast though, matches turned into trees, and trees turned into fields. Oliver wasn't sure if it was the heat or curiosity of his childish mind that led him to his love of fires. He was only eight when he discovered it, and it carried on until he was thirteen.

Things escalated once he got older, deciding that matches and leaves were boring. There was no more adrenaline. So, he gave a squirrel a try. Then a bird. That bird led him to a cat. He later found himself with a dog. The obsession only grew, seeing things struggle, he loved the control. Craved it all over.

The night Oliver would light his last match, he stood out in front of a family's house. He didn't know them, they were in another school district. All Oliver knew was that the fire would be immense. He started out with the bushes, then the porch, and threw the last match up onto the roof. He hurried off into the distance, gasping quietly once he saw the damage he had done. Oliver knew he had taken it too far now, the smoke smelt awful this time around. He watched everything happening, the fire department, the house next door even burnt. He mostly tried to push everything down and away, but the frightened faces he saw never left him. Especially who he now knew as Noah.

Many years followed the incident, mostly at institutions. It only caused Oliver to lose his mind more than he already had. Listening to doctors all day and not being able to go outside does that to a person. Oliver looked at Noah, and saw what he had done to him. He resembled the past version of Oliver, wrists bound together and tiptoeing around situations.

"I'm so, so, so sorry." Oliver croaked, a lump in his throat. The last time he had cried was years ago.

"Hey, that was years ago. I'm okay." Noah snuggled his head into Oliver's chest.

"Thank you angel." Oliver grins and takes off Noah's cuffs for the last time. It felt nice to hold somebody.