running on empty

2 // Mocktails.

A few days passed without incident and Ethan revelled in the lack of attention to food. He didn't have to worry about someone calling him out or, god forbid, forcing him to finish a meal. It was convenient, and allowed him to fast for two days in a row - something he was weirdly proud of.

Unfortunately, the reprieve only lasted for a short while. Someone had suggested trying "non-alcoholic adult drinks" and Mark had jumped at the idea, dragging Ethan kicking and screaming behind him.

The day of the video finally came, and Mark had taken the camera with him as he walked the aisles of the grocery store. He was looking for the alcohol-substitutes they needed for the video, leaving Ethan alone.

The bright red of the coca-cola packaging caught his attention as he halfheartedly scanned over the beverage aisle, coaxing him to a stop. He never drank it much when he wasn't on his diet, but now that he was cutting out anything "unhealthy" he would have done some pretty extreme things for a simple can. Mouth watering, he blamed the grumbling in his stomach on the hunger-inducing properties of the color red and quickly moved on.

As he walked, he noticed one of the brand names they had looked at before and gingerly picked the bottle up. It was a pretty peach color, but Ethan didn't notice in favor of going straight to the calorie count in a serving.

The small little numbers seemed to mock him. There were 50 calories, which was basically 100, which might as well have been 500, which was halfway to 1,000, and who knows how many servings they'd actually be drinking? He would probably end up drinking a day's worth of calories just in this drink, and then he would get hungry later and stuff himself until he was worse off than when he started this diet! That couldn't happen, he would make sure of it.

While Ethan was trying to plan a way out of this, Mark wandered down the aisle, smiling brightly when he saw the younger. "Hey, there you are! I've been looking all over this goddamn store for you." When Ethan didn't look up, Mark's smile fell slightly. "Dude. Ethan. Hello?" He snapped a finger in his face, brows furrowing as his friend seemed to startle out of a trance of sorts.

"Oh, hi Mark! I was just, uh, checking to make sure these didn't have alcohol in them. What've you been doing?" He stammered out, throwing in an awkward chuckle to really sell the idea.

"Looking for you. I just said that - are you good, man?" He put a hand on Ethan's shoulder and the man struggled not to push it off. He didn't want Mark to touch him - he didn't want anybody to touch him. They would feel the squishy fat still clinging to him and be almost as disgusted with it as he was.

He smiled thinly, tensing up as Mark's hand stayed on his shoulder. "Yeah, of course. Just checking that there's no alcohol. Like I said. We should probably get some hearing aids for you mister -"

"It says right on the front that it's non-alcoholic."

"Better safe than sorry!" Ethan chorused, putting the bottle back. He reached for another brand before Mark grabbed the previous bottle back.

"Wait, what was wrong with this one?" The older man twisted it around, inspecting it for whatever Ethan must have seen to make him put it back. "Wow, 50 calories?"

The younger man smiled, glad he wasn't the only one who thought that the number was absurd. Hopefully, they could just put the bottle back and hunt for one that would do less damage then. "I know, right? It's so much! We might as well be drinking liquid fat. Let's look at -"

"'So much?'" Mark repeated, dumbfounded. "Ethan, I don't know what you drink but that's... that's not a lot at all. I was honestly expecting something closer to 100."

Ethan's smile fell a little, and his relieved expression was quickly replaced by one of confusion and discomfort. "What are you talking about? That's, like, basically 100." Mark's eyes widened almost comically, and a small uncomfortable smile appeared on his face.

"Wow dude, you're, like, really bad at math. You think 50 is nearly 100?" Ethan shrugged, looking away. Maybe Mark didn't get it after all. It made sense - the man was a healthy weight, and maybe he had less muscle than before quarantine but it suited him nicely! He didn't have to diet like Ethan did, or be mindful of what he ate. Part of him was jealous of that fact, but a larger part was happy his friend didn't have to restrict like he did.

"Hah, yeah. Maybe it's not the same for you, but some of us have to watch what we eat to get that sexy bod." He used a weird voice and an over-exaggerated wink in a last-ditch attempt to salvage the conversation, and judging by Mark's expression it didn't work.

"Watch what you eat? It - It's 50 calories. What kind of metabolism do you have that you can't have 50 calories?" The older man threw his hands out wide while he talked, gesturing wildly before ultimately running a hand through his hair.

Ethan shrugged again. "A bad one?" He tried to keep calm, knowing that Mark wasn't intentionally poking fun at him - he just didn't understand. He didn't understand that eating over his limit would cause fat to grow and stick on his body. He didn't understand that it would take ages to work it off - hours of exercise for one measly 50-cal drink. "Look, let's just look for something with a few less calories, and if we can't find any then we can just buy that."

"Okay," Mark finally agreed, giving him a worried once-over. "Sure, we can look for something else."

Doing the actual video was almost worse. All he could think about was how many calories he was consuming and how long he would have to exercise that night to work off the inevitable fat.

"You know, I don't think this one is doing it for me." Mark said, smacking his lips. "No, this one - this one just tastes like ass." He burst out laughing at himself, and looked over at Ethan to check if he was laughing too. The younger man didn't join him and Mark's laughter slowly died out, letting worry overtake him.

Ethan was stuck inside of his own head, just staring at the glass. The drink seemed to mock him with it's fruity scent and appetizing appearance. He wanted it so badly, but it was only noon and he had already had so many - he was never going to make it the rest of the day.

Feeling Mark's eyes on him, Ethan looked up. He smiled sheepishly at the older man, though it turned out more of a grimace. "What? Sorry, completely zoned out."

Mark's eyes narrowed as he frowned. "You weren't - You haven't even tried your drink yet!" He pointed at Ethan's mocktail accusingly, raising his voice as he realized just how full the glass was. "You know what, let's just scrap this. It's obvious you have something else on your mind." Sighing heavily, he ran a hand over his face. After a beat his shoulders dropped, releasing the tension gathered there. "What's up with you, man?" Mark asked softly. Glancing at his friend, he lowered his voice even more. "You know you can talk to me if you need to, Eth."

"No! No, god, I'm sorry. I'm fine, we can keep doing the video. I'll focus more on it, promise" Ethan stammered, waving his hands around in a panicked frenzy. He was almost begging Mark to continue, to stop looking at him like that. "I'm fine."

Mark was silent for a minute, eyes roaming over Ethan's face, Ethan's body. He was about to say something until the older man sighed wearily, running a hand through his hair. "Okay, man. Let's just... Keep going then."

Ethan smiled tightly, averting his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he was okay with eating or drinking something, even if it was just to get Mark to stop looking at his failure.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

any concrit is greatly appreciated !! i'm pretty new to this whole writing thing, so if you have any advice you don't mind sharing please don't hesitate to comment ! ^^