"Maya, what's wrong?" Didi asks me when she sits in the passenger. "Mpumi frustrates me so much," I say.
"Why? Do you two have history or something?" she asks. Memories of how perfect Mpumi was for me fill my head and tears stream down my face.
"Hey, let me drive," she says and puts her hand over mine. We switch seats and I keep my eyes fixed on the blue sky.
Mpumi has this hold on me. A hold so strong. A hold that just can't let go of me. A hold she'll always have on me.
Did she mean it when she told me that she loves me? Do I even love Didi or am I wasting her time? I need to let her go now.
"Didi, I'm not okay," I say. "I can tell," she smiles. "Can we take things slow? I feel like everything is moving in such a high speed. I'm scared," I say.
"You still like your ex, don't you?" she asks me. I'm scared to tell her about how I feel about Mpumi. I couldn't bring myself to say, 'yes, yes I love her.' So I just nodded.
"Me too," she said and looked down. "Well, look at us. Two damaged girls that like each other," I smile. "Wanna be friends?" she asked. "I'd choose to be your friend over anything any day," I smiled.
Her hand took mine and she placed a kiss on it. What I feel for Didi is so gentle and calm. But it's nothing compared to what I feel for Mpumi.
Mpumi's just different. My love for her is aggressive but so passionate. One moment, she's all caring and the next, she's devouring me and then the next, she's breaking my heart.
She always does something that makes me push her away. And I want it to stop. I want to be with her and not feel like she's gonna hurt me again.
I want to love Mpumi with everything in me, but I can't. She's gonna leave me high and dry. She's gonna break me all over again.
Right now, the best thing for Maya is to stay away from Mpumi. That's going to be so hard. She's always in my dorm.
But wait. I could move out and get an apartment. No, my life cannot revolve around her. But it already is.
I mean, who wouldn't like Mpumi? She's Mpumi for fucks sake. She has beautiful eyes, lips and just everything about her is beautiful.
I don't desire this girl only sexually, I crave her emotionally. I jus- oh fuck it. I can't be this obsessed with her.
I can get over Mpumi, right? Yes, I definitely can. Can't I? I don't know. I'm gonna cry again if I don't think about something else.
Uhm... Fortune is a darling. I mean, she treated me so perfectly and I messed up by fucking around with Mpumi.
I just don't understand why I did that. Was it necessary? Well, now, I've lost the most perfect girl I've ever been with. Mpumi deadass broke me. I'm getting angry now.
"Didi?" I call out and her eyes meet mine. "Do you think I'll ever get over Mpumi?" I ask her.
"The aim isn't to get over her. It's to find someone that you'll love way more than you love her. It'll take time, but don't rush the process. It'll all happen in due time. I promise," she smiled.
"It just doesn't make any sense. Why does it hurt? And why her of all people?" I ask. "We never know, mama. But it's only gonna get better with time," she tells me.
How does she take it so lightly and calmly? Isn't this all heavy on her? Doesn't it hurt her?
I just want to forget. I want to forget Mpumi. Is that too much to ask for?
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Stay tuned for I'm Done Experimenting (the third book).
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