Hidden. SOLBY.

Confessions (6)

Colby's P.O.V

I was in love with him. The only person that I was ever close too and I was in love with him. I wanted to be more than just friends with Sam but I didn't even know if he liked guys. For all I knew he was a straight white guy who I also was beginning to suspect as an angel. But I didn't want to ruin it. The first friendship I'd ever had that wasn't toxic and I wasn't going to lose it just because I couldn't control my feelings. That wasn't how it was going to be. Everyday, I had to hide my true feelings from him and I felt so guilty. He was my friend and he wanted me to be honest with him but I was putting our relationship at jeopardy in doing so. If it meant keeping Sam, then I'd do it. 

A couple days had passed since I met Sam's friends and I was beginning to see them a lot more often. I was the youngest out of them all and they had taken me under their wing. If it ever seemed like I was in trouble or I was being bullied, Kevin, Aryia, Brennen and Xepher would make sure I was safe. If Sam wasn't around then I would usually hang out with the girls, or Jake and Corey. It was nice. I finally felt loved.... Until I got home. There I was treated how I was always told I should be. Like the worthless little shit that I am. I was pushed, shoved, kicked, punched, slapped, starved, practically tortured in the place I was supposed to feel safe. And I was sick of it. Things had to change soon or I wouldn't be able to take it. 

I later decided to talk to one of the girls about sexuality. I didn't want to speak with the boys as they would be worse if they were homophobic. So, I pulled Devyn aside. "Hey Colby." She said sweetly, "What's up?" 

"Well, I need to talk to you about something, I have to tell you that...well...I'm gay." 

"Aw, I'm so proud of you!" She squealed, flinging her arms around me, pulling me into a hug. I flinched at the sudden contact but soon hugged her back. 

"So...you don't hate me?" 

"No!! Of course not!" 

I smiled. A genuine smile. I was accepted.

"You know, you're not the only gay guy." She said.

"Who else is?" 

"Well, Brennen is gay and Sam is Bi-sexual, Sam only realised it a couple days ago." 

"Sam's..." 

"You like him don't you." 

"I...w-well..." 

She smiled, "You should tell him, you never know what he might think but I think you two are perfect together." 

"Okay...I...okay." I thought about it. I would tell him. 

I spent the whole day thinking about how I was going to do it. I decided to tell him at lunch.

Sitting in my English class, 10 minutes before the lunch bell I was beginning to get really anxious and started to scratch my wrist subconsciously. After a minute or two I looked down to see that I was bleeding quite a lot as I had scratched away the skin. English was the only class that I wasn't in with Sam as I was in a higher class than him. However, I was sat next to Brennen, who quickly noticed what I had done. "Hey," He whispered, "How did you do that?" 

"I, uh, I'm not sure, I didn't mean to."  I replied.

"Can I tell miss? She'll let us go early and we can fix it up before lunch." 

"Um, yeah, why not." 

Brennen raised his hand and miss came over, "Yes, Brennen." 

"Colby and I were messing around at break and I accidentally tripped him. He cut his arm and it's reopened." He said quietly, covering for me.

"Okay, well there's five minutes left of the lesson so if you two want to pack up your bags then you can go now." 

"Thanks miss." I said quietly. She nodded and smiled before walking off. Brennen and I put away our books and pencil cases then left, Brennen pulled me to the bathroom. 

"Hey, I need you to be straight with me...are you?" 

"Nope." I replied. He smiled.

"You like Sam right?" 

"Maybe why?" 

"You know you should tell him." 

"I'm going to." 

"Good! I'm proud of you bro and I've only known you for a couple days." 

"Thanks Brennan. That really means a lot." I held my wrist under the cold water, flinching at the sting but quickly getting over the initial shock. I held it there for a minute or two before walking to the canteen with Brennan. We sat at our usual table and waited for everyone to arrive.

Halfway through lunch I decided that I had to tell Sam how I was feeling.

"Hey, Sam, can I talk to you for a moment?" I said.

"Yeah of course!" He said standing up.

As we walked away, I saw Brennen give me a thumbs up and Devyn smiled. 

"What's up Colbs?" He asked.

"Well...Just promise you won't hate me." 

"Of course not." 

"Okay...I'm gay and-" 

"Why would I hate you for that I'm Bi any-" 

"And I'm in love with you Sam. I-I...I love you..." 

I dropped my head down, looking at my feet. All of a sudden there was a hand under my chin forcing my face up and then out of nowhere, Sam's lips were on mine. 

"I love you too." 

915 words

love y'all

- Colby O