The Two Of Us - An ALTA X Reader Fanfiction

Chapter Fifteen~ Alone/Not Alone

TW: Depression, Panic Attacks, and Sensory Deprivation

(Y/N'S POV)

When I opened my eyes I couldn't see anything, just pitch black stretched all around me. I tried to speak, but my voice was swallowed by the dark the second it left my lips. The silence echoed around me, terrifying, yet somehow calming as well.

I shivered. It was cold here...wherever here was. I tried to run my arms but couldn't move my limbs, stuck suspended in what was quickly feeling less calming and more overwhelming. My body shook as I was held in place, and fear began to course through every fiber of my being. It felt as if my very thoughts were muffled, and I tried to scream, only to be met with the complete silence once more.

I felt like crying, but it seemed as if my tears were dried up, and the pressure of wanting to cry but being unable to began to grow to a painful point. A deep pressure pushed on every inch of me, as if it were trying to crush me into myself. I tried to think, plead for help, rescue, but my mind was too slow to catch up to my thoughts. All I knew was the pain and discomfort and terror, and it took over every piece of me rapidly. My chest moved as if I were hyperventilating but no oxygen reached my lungs, only adding to my helplessness.

I found a single thought and held onto it fiercely.

Please just end, whatever this is, end, please end, please please please please please....

(AANG'S POV)

It's been days. I lost count after three. People came and left her room, various doctors, Toph and Zuko. I simply sat across from her repaired door, meditating and waiting for her to wake up. I could feel the concern from others, I could feel the overwhelming hunger and dread coiled in the pit of my belly. The dread that what happened, what I witnessed, wasn't her fault.

Did I do this?

I couldn't help but entertain the thought at night, when others had gone to bed and there was just her, myself and a door between us. I knew not telling her the truth about what was happening between us would probably upset her, but I had no idea it would make her angry enough to use the Avatar state when provoked. Regardless, the responsibility of what occurred between Y/N and Katara was entirely to blame on me not being careful enough. I should have gone to her sooner, I should have tried to help when she was clearly in distress...

I felt my frown deepen and sighed, leaning my head back against the wall. I hadn't even checked on Katara since what happened. Even if I wasn't with her anymore, I should still care more than I do. That made me feel guilty as well. I didn't even know what had put Y/N into the Avatar state, but I didn't care about what Katara had suffered at the hands of someone so powerful and seemingly malicious. My irritation at her still held me back from being the caring and calm Avatar I was trying to be, someone who didn't discriminate between those who hurt me personally and those who were completely innocent, someone who just wanted to help others. It seemed so far away now, that ideal I had held on to for so long.

What if I couldn't do this? One fight and I unraveled are the seams, unable to properly take care of myself and others, so focused on whatever I was doing I had blinders on to the rest of the world. I let people get hurt because I was too busy running from my responsibilities. I was still just like when I was a scared twelve year old, too stuck in my own head and emotions to stand up and do my job.

I felt my chest tighten and my heart race, and I pulled myself back into my meditation. It was difficult to concentrate, with my heart trying to outrun my problems and my body shaking forcefully. Despite scrunching up my eyes, tears slipped out and onto my lap. I failed as an Avatar. I couldn't protect those around me, I couldn't protect the one I love. I was too self centered to ever do my job right.

A soft sob made its way out and I let it hang in the air, my own quiet declaration of grief and guilt. I wanted nothing more than to run away, but history had already proven that to be a terrible decision. All I could do was sit here as the weight of my guilt crushed me slowly.

A hand on my shoulder startled me. I was too caught up in my thoughts I didn't even hear anyone approaching. Before I could wipe away the tears to see who it was I was pulled into a firm hug, one that was very warm and smelled of burnt rice. I pushed my face into Zuko's robes and began to cry again, shaking as he gently patted my back, humming something soft and familiar. In this moment I was very glad I had made friends with the Fire Lord, taking comfort in his presence.

After a while I calmed enough to lean back, wiping my arm across my eyes.

"I'm sorry-"

"It's okay."

He cut me off before I could apologize for crying on his robes.

"I was coming to check on Y/N and saw you. Believe me, I know what a panic attack looks like, and I know how deep in your own head you can get. I just did what I would have wanted someone to do for me."

He smiled, warm yet concerned.

"You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, right now or ever in fact, but if you want to vent about what it was that pushed you into that just know I'm here. I'm more than happy to listen if you need."

The kindness and empathy coming from the firebender made me tear up a bit again, and I managed to smile weakly back at him.

"I-I would like th-that. I t-think."

He grinned, leaning in to squeeze me once more before standing again, reaching a hand down to help me up.

"Let's go have tea in my room. I'll send my doctor to check on Y/N, and we can go sit and see what's bouncing around in that head of yours."