Linstead: One Shots

Broken

This wasn't how it was supposed to go, she thought they were end game, but the secrets, the lies, their pasts always caught up to them. Whether it be her past, her stupid mother or Jays PTSD or his past lovers, no matter what something got in the way but she should have prepared herself for it to come crashing down, it was always too good to be true.

So she sat there, alone, scrunched up tissues around her, snuggled up in her favourite shirt of his trying to soak up his smell. Could he really be gone? Was he going to come back? She didn't cry, no matter what life threw at her she always made sure she shoved her feelings away and got on with her life but it was different with him. She didn't know how she was supposed to do this.

Next thing she knew the sun was beaming through the window, which made her think of when Jay first moved in, he always complained and said they needed blinds or something to block out the sun but she disagreed, she liked being woken up by it. But not today, she wished she took his advice, she just wanted to hide in a dark room and hide from the world.

Then her alarm went off, she didn't even know why she set it, she hadn't slept a wink so she didn't need to be woken up. She wandered into the bathroom, maybe a hot shower would make her feel better. It made things worse, all she could see was Jays things around her, his body wash, his fancy shampoo, his toothbrush that was always in the shower, he always tried to save time and he could never manage to get time at the sink when Erin would get ready. Then she saw his razor, a faint smile washed over her face, to the memories of when she use to try to shave his face after she had made him grow his beard out, saying he looked sexier and more manly. She use to sit between his legs on the basin as he stood in front, as much as she'd concentrate it just made him laugh, but if he flinched and she got him she'd go off and say it was his own fault.

So she got out of the shower, it was only making it worse. She quickly brushed her teeth, pulled her hair away from her face and chucked some moisturiser on and a little mascara.

Next step was putting on something to wear, thankfully she didn't have to go through Jay's clothes to get something for herself. She went for her normal, t-shirt and skinny jeans, then chucked a light jacket over the top, it wasn't quite cold enough to go for her heavy thick winter jacket.

Before leaving the bathroom she opened the safe to grab her gun and badge, she holstered the gun to her hip and put the badge around her neck. Before she walked out of their bedroom she caught a quick glimpse of herself in the mirror, great she thought. Her eyes were puffy, you could tell she'd been crying and barely slept, hopefully, everyone would just keep to themselves, she didn't know if she'd be able to hold it together today.

Her first stop before heading to the district was her local coffee shop, she lined up and waited patiently. Once she got to the front of the line the barrister passed her two coffees and a brown paper bag with a smile, "Already made your usual hun, you have a good day."

Something as simple as that made Erin nearly break, over a stupid coffee order. She looked to the barrister and smiled, gave her a thank you and quickly walked out of the shop to her car, passing a bin on the way she chucked his coffee out, sure she could have just taken it for him but she didn't want to speak to him, maybe later in the day but definitely not the first thing to start her shift off with.

She stayed parked in her usual spot in the district for a few minutes, she needed to gather her thoughts and take a breath. She made it clear to herself that she wouldn't bring anything up at work or talk to anyone about it, she just needed to get through it and then she could go curl up in a ball. She looked down at her watch, great she was late, only a couple minutes but because of all her self pep talking she was going to get yelled at, again not knowing if she could handle that today, not from Hank either.