To The Moon And Back

Chapter 14

I don't remember falling asleep. I only recall holding on tight to Jay, and his defeated silence.

I wake up on my bed, all alone. He's nowhere to be seen around the room. I get up and walk towards the desk. He's sitting at my desk.

"Jay?" I whisper.

He looks up from a pile of papers. "Yeah?"

"Um, good morning?"

He smiles briefly and looks back into his papers. "Good morning, Aurora."

"Did you sleep?"

"Does it matter?" He asks.

I roll my eyes. "Jay, did you close your eyes and rest this overworked brain of yours or not?"

"I did, don't worry."

"Jay, I'm serious."

"Relax, Aurora. I told you I did, doesn't matter if it's only twenty-seven seconds of sleep, does it?"

I approach him and place a hand on his shoulder.

"Jay, you can't keep bottling things up, working all day to bury your feelings beneath paperwork and not even getting enough sleep. What type of shitty life is this?"

"Mine, I guess."

"You don't have to do this, you know."

He leaves all the papers and looks at me. "For the record, I did sleep for about half an hour."

"That's not nearly enough."

"Who cares, Aurora? It doesn't matter."

"This is not good for you."

"I can go to damn hell, Aurora! Martha just died because of me. My second mother. She always put me in front of everything and now she's paying the price."

My eyes fill up with tears.

"Jay, this is not true," I say. "It was a heart attack, nobody's fault."

"You're mistaken," he says. "Doctors found a high dosage of antifibrinolytic drugs in her blood. Do you know what that means?"

"No?"

"These drugs promote blood clotting, and a blood clot in the wrong place can cause a stroke or, obviously, a heart attack."

I lick my lips. "How are you so sure she didn't take those meds herself?"

"Because she never took heart medication, Aurora."

I decide to share her last words. "She did say that someone will kill her."

"What?" His eyes widen. "When?"

"When I went to her room. She said it was—"

"The rebels?" He asks. I nod. "This is all my fault." He buries his face in his hands.

"No, it's not, Jay. She chose to see them and deal with the consequences."

"Nobody chooses to die, darling."

"She chose to take a risk, Jay. We're all going to die, at least she did it doing something she's proud of."

"Proud of what? This is all bullshit! She was not supposed to die!" He yells at me. "It was supposed to be me! Me, Aurora! I'm the leader here! I shouldn't have let her go."

"Jay, stop making this about you!"

He glares at me. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, she was a grown woman who made a decision and went through the repercussions. Okay? There was nothing you could've done to prevent that. Nothing."