Little Secrets

Chapter 7 - Not So Easy

Camila

Without a word to me Shawn picked a hotel and checked us in. We carried our things into the room and got ready for bed. We both stayed up until midnight, scrolling through our phones, finding interesting things to read. I followed a few fans.

I stood up to get myself something to drink. I considered coffee, but then decided I honestly wanted to sleep tonight, so I settled for water. I was pouring it, contemplating life, and then I realized the tour would probably have to be at least postponed if this coronavirus thing got really bad. I dropped my cup, spilling the water all over myself. I groaned.

"You okay?" Shawn asked, suddenly beside me. I nodded. He handed me a towel but didn't touch me. I dried myself and went into the bathroom to change. When I came out, Shawn was gripping the side of the table, his face pained.

"Are you alright?" I asked. He shook his head, not looking at me.

"Camila, I can't do this." He said quietly. My heart stopped. Was he going to admit he hated faking as much as me? That he'd just been kidding last night? Please, please, please.

"What do you mean?" I asked carefully. Shawn swallowed hard. He released the table and met my eyes. The determined look in his eyes scared me.

"I can't do this." He repeated. "I can't do this. Be with you, just for public eye." Yes, yes, me neither. Please say it. "So I need to leave. It's clear that you don't feel how I thought you did, and-"

"Hold up!" I interrupted, my voice higher than normal. "I never said-"

"Let me finish please Camila." He said tiredly. I ball my fists, but let him continue. "And I need to go. I already got you a plane ticket back to Miami, and I'll drive back up to Toronto. Maybe we'll see each other soon, but maybe-"

"Shawn no-" I said, finding my voice. It was shrill and panicked.

"Camila." He said, his voice void of emotion. "It's better this way. PR can only do so much and I'm done with it. I'm sorry... it's... complicated." He said firmly.

You tell me that I'm complicated

I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't think. No, no, no, no. "I kept my stuff packed. I'm not tired. I'll drive tonight and email the ticket to you." He walked over to me and lifted my chin to make me meet his eyes. I couldn't breathe. This wasn't happening.

And that might be an understatement.

"I'll miss you." He breathed. I felt tears stinging my eyes. Please don't do this. I couldn't handle it. I was going to wake up, and find out that this was nothing more than a nightmare. Shawn leaned in, slightly, and I thought he was going to kiss me, but then he pulled away and grabbed his suitcase, and walked straight through the door without another word. I stared at nothing in shock.

Anything else?

What had he said? He didn't want me? He needed to go? I couldn't remember.

I stumbled over to my bed and collapsed. Then everything hit me in one crushing wave. I let out a dry sob and gasped against my pillow. Then I started crying.

"No. No. Shawn." I gasped through my tears. I put my fist in my mouth and choked, the tears coming faster now. (A/N: Please listen to Camila's cover of Say You Won't Let Go while reading this part, you can find it on Spotify)

I cried myself asleep, and dreamt of the one thing I didn't have.

I knew I loved you then

But you'd never know

'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go

I know I needed you