Little Secrets

Chapter 3 - Liar

Shawn

I wasn't sure how I wanted to approach my unofficial relationship with Camila. I certainly didn't want it to become public, but Senorita is being released tomorrow, I don't know how people are going to react to it, but I have a few ideas. Not like Camila and I could become a thing, as much as I wish it could, because of Matthew Hussey, her boyfriend...

Stupid girls and their stupid boyfriends and stupid obligations. 

I cut off my thoughts. I'm supposed to be advertising and posting on all of my accounts for Senorita. Instead, Snapchat sits open on my phone, the screen dimmed. I tap the screen and make the post, trying to focus on what I'm doing rather then where I'd rather be. Definitely don't want to be thinking about where I want to be.

My phone dings. I look down at it. DM from camila. On Twitter? She hates Twitter... It was a private message. Why didn't she just text me?

Camila:  what if we did a pr stunt

I blink at the words. What? She didn't think this was real? I open the conversation to respond, but my fingers hover over the keys. I scoff at myself and throw my phone aside. I stand up and lean against the wall, a hand resting on the back of my neck as I gaze out the window of my room. But that's when I decide. I'm in love with her. Everything else can get in my way, but I will always love Camila Cabello. I would go to either end of the earth to get her, but I can't. This is how I know it's all hopeless. If I can't have her, there's no point. Everything I've ever done has lead to what? Temporary happiness? Wealth? Popularity? I don't care. And yet here she is, suggesting a PR stunt when the one thing I don't want is a fake relationship. I walk over to my discarded phone and pick it up. I type.

idk i meaI

The screen goes dark as my phone dies. I throw it down in frustration. It's a sign. Everything will try to keep us apart. It's impossible. I run my hands through my hair, tearing out lose threads. I scream through my teeth in frustration. Why can't anything go right in my life? Why? I instead pick up my notebook and plug my phone in. Then I pull a pen out and start scribbling on my notebook.

I'm in Toronto and I got this view

But I might as well be in a hotel room, yeah

It doesn't matter 'cause I'm so consumed

I open my plugged in phone to find now Twitter is restarting and updating, so, I flip to my text messages.

Spending all my nights reading texts from you

I shake my head, disappointed with myself. You're like a desperate child. Waiting, watching for something interesting to happen. I scold myself. I force myself off my phone, ignoring the conversation that's open on my phone. I am not going to bother myself with a hopeless case.

Oh, I'm good at keepin' my distance

I know that you're the feelin' I'm missing

I need to admit my feelings to myself, but it's a struggle. I can't stop my love. But I can restrain it. Camila is happy enough where she is. We've both loved each other, for a long time, but it's always been a friendly thing. What if I want it to be... more? Something bigger? Mathew! I scream at myself. She's dating! I sigh. And she hasn't broken up with him, so that means she's happy.

You know that I hate to admit it

But everything means nothin' if I can't have you

Why is this song turning into one about Camila? It wasn't supposed to be. Actually, I know exactly why.

I can't write one song that's not about you

Two weeks. Independence Day. I'll ask her. I'll ask her and there'll be no going back.

sure. can't hurt anything

Camila

The party was fine. The food was fine. The people were fine. My mood was not fine. I dumped Mathew a few days ago, knowing that with Shawn on my mind, I could never be happy with him, and although Shawn did respond to my PM, but now I'm having second thoughts. What if this could be more than a PR stunt? What if I wanted something real?

We'd spent the last two weeks kissing, holding hands, going on dates, and yet not confirming any rumors. It was terrible. Why can't I be dating him? Why do we have to fake it?

I'm sitting on the edge of the balcony, my feet dangling over the twenty foot drop. I haven't seen Shawn tonight. I didn't look very hard though. Maybe he ditched. Didn't want to see me. We already filmed the music video, like a week ago, but even then, Shawn seemed a little out of it. I bury my face in my hands. Worst. Fourth Of July. Ever.

"Camila?" A soft voice says behind me. I don't look. I know it's him. I know it's him, but I don't know what to say. He sits next to me. I lean my head on his shoulder, and he wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer. "Camila?" Shawn asks again. I look up at him, my small frame fitting into him perfectly. Shawn brushes a strand of my hair out of my face.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" He says softly. I smile. I cup his face in my hands and pull his mouth to mine. Shawn's hand presses on the back of my head, keeping my lips pressed to his. I pull away ever so slightly. Our foreheads touch, and I look at him, his beautiful eyes staring in mine, filled with adoration and love.

"Camila," Shawn breathes softly.

"Yes?" I mumble back.

"I- nevermind."

Well, it may be a PR stunt today, but I don't want it to stay that way. I thread my fingers through Shawn's and kiss him lightly. I fit my mouth into his, cutting off his next remark, and he kisses me back without hesitation, and I smile against his lips. One day. One day he'll be mine. I just have to be patient. 

* * * * * * *

"We won't be able to tell people." Shawn says a while later.

"I know." I say. It's okay, because I'm with you. I sigh.

"Well, it's okay." Shawn swallows. "Better for sales, right?" HIs smile looks forced. I smile back, trying for genuine.

"Right."

Oh no, there you go,

Makin' me a Liar,

I kinda like it though