what about us | l.s.

ten

March 20, 2011

Coming to terms with your sexuality isn't easy. You struggle to understand labels and terminology that you've never properly studied. As you understand more and more about what you may or not be, you look back on the signs that screamed out you were different. Like the way your eyes lingered on the quiet boy in your English class after his presentation, or how your cheeks tinted red when your female friend hugged you before saying goodbye.

In some cases, you understand your sexuality, and you live with it comfortably. In others, the ideals of a heteronormative society seep into your mind and attempt to wash away your differences. Then you submit. You push yourself to be normal, and in the process, you destroy a piece of your happiness. The weight of being different pushes you down along with the attempts to be ordinary and anything but unusual. Eventually, you've forgotten how it feels to be different, and you've erased the mere thoughts of being gay.

And now, Louis was confused. He hated love, and he was sure of it. He hated any attraction between himself and a female. A female. Louis had failed to consider that he was attracted to a different gender. One that included curly-haired individuals with sparkling green eyes.

Louis was very close to his mum. Whenever he needed her, she was there. She was the first person he went to when Zayn left, and the person that promised him he wasn't strange for hating love. His mum was his rock and the one person he could always count on. So, when Louis finished crying, he went outside and called her.

So, he spilled everything to his mother. How much he missed being in Harry's arms, and the way he made him feel safe. He told her about Harry and his stupid jokes and how he ended up laughing before he finished. He expressed how mesmerized he was by the way Harry fixed his hair before a show and his dimples that he wanted to poke whenever he smiled.

Jay was content. Her son was so in love with this boy, and he didn't even realize it. She listened as he rambled on, a soft smile taking over her face as he described Harry's mannerisms. Louis soon realized that he was rambling when his mother was no longer chiming in with the occasional hum.

"Mum?"

"Yes?"

"You've gone quiet."

"It seems that I have."

Louis shook his head and smiled before responding, "What happened to me?"

"You fell in love, Lou."

There was silence followed by a thud from Louis' end.

"Yeah. I guess I did."