what about us | l.s.

fifteen

May 5, 2011

Something is fascinating in the way jealousy and love work in unison to generate the deepest pain. Part of loving someone involves wanting them to be happy at all times. Jealousy, however, ignites an ugly flame in the beholder's heart when they see the person they love with someone else. Love and jealousy fight in your heart and your mind, aching to take full control. Yet they don't realize they need to work together to function. For what is jealousy without passion or desire?

The conflict truly arises when the two settle down and allow you to think clearly. You look at your place in the person's life. In Louis' case, he had lost his title as Harry's best friend. But, he could confess his feelings for the chance at something more? Yet, how could he confess after being so easily replaced?

Louis sat on it for a month. He waited through the harsh April showers and into the spring breeze of May. That's when Zayn knocked on his door.

It came as a shock to Louis. He hadn't spoken to Zayn in years. Why was he standing at his door with a soft smile on his face? The shock wore off after he was tackled to the ground in a hug. Louis wrapped his arms around the ebony-haired boy and inhaled the unfamiliar scent of smoke and vanilla.

"Since when," Louis mumbled into Zayn's shoulder, "Do you smell good?"

Zayn laughed and pulled away from the hug, "Since my mum made me buy proper cologne or whatever shite this is."

As they sat silently with their legs spread out, the awkwardness set in. It's not often that your former best friend appears at your door after years of no contact. Yet the bond never truly dies, and soon the boys were reminiscing and catching up on everything they missed. Louis didn't have much to say in comparison to Zayn's tattoo stories and all the unusual people he met. So he brought up Harry.

When in love, your emotion reflects on your face the moment their name leaves your mouth. Zayn saw how Louis' eyes lit up when he spoke about Harry and the way they darkened when Leeroy sauntered into the room.

Louis had grown used to Leeroy's presence. While it did aggravate him, he accepted it because Harry was happy. However, he wasn't prepared to see his fingers interlocked with Harry's. Louis and Harry locked eyes as the shorter of the two stood up.

"Louis, could I speak to you outside?"

Zayn's voice broke the eye contact, and Harry's body relaxed. The tension was growing uncomfortable, and Louis despised it, so he followed Zayn outside, anxious to get away from everyone.

"Listen. I don't know what's going on between the two of you, but you need to sort it out."

Louis frowned and focused his eyes on the creased black matting in the hallway.

"Louis."

Zayn sighed, "Tommo."

Louis snapped his head up and revealed his glistening blue eyes.

"I don't know what to do. We're- we were best friends, Zayn. I didn't mean to fall in love with him! It's his fault with his stupid curls, and the dimples and the terrible jokes that he doesn't tell anymore and the dumb way he insisted on rolling my sleeves up to my hands were visible because apparently, they're tiny and don't get me started on Leeroy-"

In contrast to their first hug, Zayn gently pulled Louis towards him, and the remained silent as Louis' tears dampened his jumper.

"I miss him."

The first pieces of Louis' walls went up that day, his old defence mechanisms returning to protect him.