TAWAKKUL

2. Confronting Him

He walked slowly into the room.

I couldn't see his face as such because of my veil. But I observed his footsteps.

He kept standing near the door for a while. As though he was reluctant to move. And so he was, most probably.

I smiled to myself with teary eyes, thinking how handsome he looked during our marriage.

Just the perfect kind of groom every girl would wish for. Tall, smart, handsome with a well built physique. His eyes were neither big nor too small, yet they were perfect for his beautifully carved face. Those chocolate brown orbs of his seemed to hold so much of gravity in them. A perfect straight nose of the right length. A smile any person would die for. Every time he raised his eyebrow to express something, it seemed as though I would melt. A little stubble further beautified his face. What I liked the best about him was his hair. I never touched them but they seemed soft to me. A little longer than the ideal length. A combination of wavy and straight. Neither too black or brown but a mix of the two shades. A bit of those gorgeous messy strands fell over his face. How I wished to touch them at one point.
Seeing him in his grey sherwani I just wondered how beautiful a man could be.
He became even more handsome than he used to be five years ago back in college.

Sitting on the bed, I wondered what was the use of being married to the guy you'd admired sometime in the past when he didn't even want you.

If some other girl was in my place today, she would've considered herself to be the most fortunate person.

But I felt exactly the opposite. My heart was filled with a mixed feeling of hatred and admiration for the man whom I'd known for so long.

What ate me up was the fact that I gave up my principles just because people around me made me believe that Azlan wasn't the guy he used to be back in college anymore.

I hated myself for letting this guy into my life. For not being able to do anything.

Lost in thoughts, I didn't even realise that he'd come close to me until the mattress beside me sinked. I grew conscious and drifted a little away.

"Tawakkul" he said softly.

I didn't reply.

Once again he called out my name, "Tawakkul.."

"I don't know if this is the right time or not, but there's something you need to know."

I understood what was coming up, so before he could continue further, I turned my face towards him and raised my veil.

Shock would be an inappropriate word to describe the expression on his face.

I could see my own face in the mirror on the opposite side.

All of the liner and mascara was over my face. My eyes were red and swollen due to constant crying.

Unknowingly an image of mine at the marriage came to my mind. I wondered if he thought the same.

Aliya, a dear poetic college friend of mine, described me in a few lines after I'd got dressed up in the morning.

'She looked ethereal in the maroon lehnga she'd worn. Her eye make up added to the beauty of her already gorgeous eyes. Those big dark brown orbs of hers had a flawless almond shape. A straight nose fitted perfectly well on her heart shaped face. Her lower lips were slightly protruding as compared to the upper and the maroon lipstick over those enhanced her overall look.'

She further commented,

"The moment Azlan will look at you decked up in this bridal lehnga, he'll wonder how beautiful you are. He'd never seen you like this. Normally you always wear loose fitted kurtas or a gown with a hijab covering your head. Moreover you never put on such a make up. He probably never noticed your gorgeous eyes since they were always covered by spectacles.
He'll surely wonder if you never looked as pretty as in the marriage or he failed to notice you basically. You'll see he'll regret for all those years he ignored you. "

But then, all of that spark I had seemed to vanish from my face. There was a huge contrast between how I looked a few hours ago and what I look now. I was in a miserable state.

Azlan began to panic. While I stared at his face with emotionless eyes.

" I'm listening, Azlan." I said with a dead tone.

"What happened to you Tawakkul? Why are you crying?"

He placed his palm over mine to fake some empathy. But I removed it in a fraction of a second.

"Don't touch me!" I said with clenched teeth in a voice louder than usual.

While Azlan kept looking at me in surprise.

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NOTE :
°Sherwani is a long coat like garment worn in the Indian subcontinent , very similar to a Western frock coat or a Polish and Lithuanian zupan. Originally associated with Muslim aristocracy during the period of British rule. It is worn over a kurta with the combination of either a churidar, a dhoti, a pajama, or a shalwar/sirwal as the lower-body clothing. Sherwani is worn on formal occasions.

°A hijab is a veil worn by some Muslim women in the presence of any male outside of their immediate family, which usually covers the head and chest. The term can refer to any head, face, or body covering worn by Muslim women that conforms to Islamic standards of modesty.