I'll Make You Bleed

The Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me (Jean POV)

**TRIGGER WARNING: references to suicide and depression are mentioned in this chapter. Please read with caution if you are sensitive to these topics. 

Written by: blueTshirts** 

1:02 AM 

"This isn't right, Jean," Marco whispers as we climb the stairs leading to the second floor of the cabin. We should be feeling some sort of security now that we can hide away for a bit but I can't help but think that shit is continuing to get worse.

"Eren helped Zeke kill those people at the hospital and now he's trying to kill us."

Armin's words are buzzing in my head along with the faces of Ymir and Historia. I see Sasha's bloody hands and dull eyes. I hear Connie's wailing cries and Marco's heaving breaths. Marco's terrified face as he was buried alive.

All because of Eren. And Armin has known the whole time.

"Jean," Marco says again, his footsteps slowing as we reach the hall at the top of the stairs. "We should stay with him."

I press a hand into the small of Marco's back to try and get him to keep going. We just need to wait this out. Armin said that he was able to get in touch with someone and that help is coming. It shouldn't be long before we don't have to be here anymore.

"Marco please," I say with a tremble in my voice as my hands shake at Marco's back. I look past him down the dark hallway that leads to more unknowns, more risks, more danger. What if Armin is part of this too? What if we were being set up?

My chin trembles as I stare down the hallway with tears in my eyes. I can't take this anymore. I can't feel like this anymore.

Marco's head turns to me as I step beside him. I shift my hand from his back to his arm, holding his elbow in a hidden way to tell him that I'm losing my mental strength. I continue to look down the hallway as my mind creates menacing shadows that threaten to swallow us up in this madness.

"Jean," Marco says again. I love the way Marco says my name. I always have. Whenever he says my name it's like I'm being seen. It's like he's presenting me to the world, like he wants everyone to know that I'm here and I'm worth it. That the world needs me and that he needs me. But now all I can hear is the wavering of Marco's voice. The uncertainty, the fear, the exhaustion. He needs me but I don't know if I can be there for him right now. I don't think I can even handle myself.

I can't bring my eyes to Marco's but I see them in my head. I see his chocolate eyes speckled with gold just like his skin. I see him in the light of the summer where he smiles as wind tousles his hair. I see him when he laughs in ugly snorts and scrunches his button nose. I remember what he looked like when we went on vacation and we spent the whole day on the beach. Marco tanned up like a Greek god and I burnt like a marshmallow. But it was one of the happiest days of my life. One of the happiest days of our lives. I try to keep the pleasant image of Marco's eyes in my head rather than seeing the painful fear that's in them now.

"Please Marco," I say into the dark. "Let's just do what Armin said."

Marco pauses. I know what he's thinking. I know that he hates leaving Armin and Annie at the mercy of Eren and Mikasa. I know he hates that we split up with Reiner, Berthold, and Connie. I know his mind is eating away at itself with the unhinged guilt he feels for what happened to Sasha.

But we can't do this, Marco. You can't do this. And I can't do this without you.

"We need-"

Marco and I freeze as a subtle voice slithers up the stairs and pierces our ears. I hold my breath as my heart pounds harder and harder in my throat. It's so quiet, barely heard among that terror in my head, any other time I wouldn't have even acknowledged it.