valentine | the old guard

xiii. fool me once

Surrey, England 2020

For once, we let Booker drive. Big mistake. I love the guy and he has many talents, however driving isn't one of them.

As he weaves our little silver car over an open expanse of field like a rally driver, Andy and I are tossed about in the back like ragdolls. The look on her face alone is enough to tell me she's rethinking her decision to give him the wheel. Nile has it even worse in the passenger seat - clinging to the hand rail above her door with every twist and jagged turn.

Eventually we pull up, all of us spilling out of the car with purpose and steely determination.

We're gonna get them back.

Booker jogs around to the boot, opening up a duffel of weapons. He hands Andy a pistol which she tucks into the back of her jeans, then grabs one for himself. He gives me a friendly nod, knowing that I have my trusty dagger.

"Go scout the back," Andy orders, looking at him then turning to me and Nile. Booker jogs off obediently, tucking his handgun into his waistband as he goes.

Andy grabs my longsword from the back then hands it to me, watching as I secure it to my belt. She then turns back to the open boot and retrieves another gun, one considerably bigger than the other two. Some kind of assault rifle or something. She hands it over to Nile then looks out across the field.

Nile holds the gun for a second, shifting its weight in her hands before looking back up. "I can't do this."

She tries to pass the gun to me but I refuse to take it.

"Yes, you can," Andy assures.

"I mean, I'm not doing this," Nile counters, shoving the gun towards Andy's chest.

I frown and let out a deep sigh, shaking my head. "Come on, kid. Quit fucking around- "

Andy holds a hand up to me, silencing me mid-sentence. She waits a moment before talking, letting both myself and Nile calm down. "You're one of us now. We would do the same for you."

"I never even had a choice," Nile snaps in reply.

"None of us had a choice," Andy replies calmly, still keeping her cool. "There isn't a choice."

I, on the other hand, am already gritting my teeth, my fists clenched and arms rigid at my sides. I love Nile but she is really testing my patience.

Andy shuts the boot of the car and turns to Nile.

"The day I died, I killed the guy that killed me. They try to condition us, you know?" Nile says, a distant look in her eyes as she tries to explain. My demeanor softens - fists unclenching and jaw relaxing at her words. It explains the nightmare in the abandoned mine, the waking up out of breath in the early hours of the morning. "Thousands of hours of training. Two shots, quick kill. But they can't teach you how to live with it."

"That's because it can't be taught," I say, reaching a hand out to brush against the satin sleeve of her bomber jacket.

Andy leans towards her to, a distressed look in her eyes. "You've gotta feel it, Nile. Every one."

"I saw what you did in that church," Nile replies, looking Andy straight in the eyes. "All those bodies. Is that supposed to be me? Is that what we're supposed to do, and we don't even know why?"

"You think knowing is gonna make you sleep better at night?" Andy fires back.

Nile shakes her head. "I can't be that."

I start to pace the strip of land beside them. "We aren't that. You've only seen a narrow section of our lives - for most of which we have been under direct attack. This isn't us."