Honey | HS

【18】

Harry

The next few days seemed to have dragged on. I knew the second Celeste had to go back, I would too.

We would go together.

I knew for one thing, I wanted to find that prick of her ex and beat the living shit out of him. How could anyone just do something like that? Especially to to her, she deserved the world.

Celeste hadn't contacted me back assuming because she had to go to some wedding shower of a distant cousin of hers. 

I tried occupying my time with my mom but that quickly turned into me sitting in my room being exhausted. I hated taking these stupid pills. Rubbing my eyes with the palms of my hands, I glance towards the door.

Speaking of them, I gaze at the time and groan to myself. I have to take them again. I already could feel them wearing away.

I hated how I wasn't myself without them.

I trudged to the bathroom and opened the drawer, I took them out and opened up the cap. I stared down at the small round pills, I felt useless in that exact moment.

I don't even remember a time I didn't take pills to be myself. But isn't that fucked up?

I had to take pills to be myself. Or a calmer version of myself. Because I definitely couldn't recall when I was myself without them, even if it really wasn't me.

But then when I looked in the mirror, I could see my dark circles were vanishing. And suddenly memories of her were playing through my head.

There were only some instances that I do remember I didn't take all of my pills, that I felt myself but only around her.

She brought the good out of me.

I impulsively lifted the toilet lid and threw the pills in the toilet bowl, one bottle after the other. Leaving only my sleeping medication.

I watch as they flush down the toilet and vanish. I leave the bathroom, heading down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Opening the fridge, I scan what's on the shelves and I decide on grabbing a Gatorade. My mother walks in through the door, looking overly bright and happy. I loved seeing her like this.

"Gemma is gonna be here in a hour, you are coming with us right?" she asks as she grabs a glass from the cabinet. I stare at her as she fills up her glass with water at the fridge dispenser.

I think about it for a second and then I nod "I'll go" I say and she looks at me surprised. Her brows raising slightly then her smile is wide. She was expecting me to skip out like I always do.

"Good" she says and I make my way back to my room.

I held myself together the whole afternoon as I walked along side my mother and my sister. We went over to my aunt's and then proceeded to go to the strip mall. I stood, leaning against the wall, watching my mom and my sister come in and out of fitting rooms.

I felt anxious, I started to pace and my mom notices as she stops me in my tracks, looking worried at me.

"Harry? Have you taken your medication?" she asks and I frown.

"I did" I lie, running my fingers through my hair.

"I'm fine, I promise you" I say as I go back against the wall. She glances at me, then proceeded to help Gemma pick between two tops.

I felt my exhaustion hitting me even more now.

By the time we went and got dinner, I was a mess, trying to pretend I was fine.