Broken

Chapter 12

I turned and he immediately put his arms around me and buried his face in my neck.
"I know you weren't trying to hurt me," he said, his face still buried in my hair. "I understand, I do. You take as much time as you need, because I'm not giving up on you. On us."
He ever so gently kissed my lips before pulling away from me and heading toward the stage. I didn't know what to say.
"See?" Ike said, patting me on the back. "He's gonna be okay."
He followed Tay and Zac walked by and coldly said, "He's not gonna be okay. He's just putting on a brave face for your sake."
"Zac I'm -" I started but stopped myself. It wasn't going to do any good to try and explain it to him. He wasn't there when Tay & Ike pulled Mitch off of me. He had a right to be angry that I broke his brothers heart.
Zac raised an eyebrow at me curiously, "You're?"
"I'm sorry," I said feeling defeated.
He shook his head and followed his brothers to start the show.
"Zac's not trying to be mean," Jen said.
"I know," I sighed. "He's not wrong either. I know Taylor's more upset than he's letting on."
"I know," she said. "It just proves how much you two love each other. Neither of you want to be selfish. You don't want to hurt him by taking him away from his family and he doesn't want to hurt you by showing you how much he's hurting."
"Can we talk about something else?" I asked sullenly.
"Yeah," she sighed. "Zac said he wants to hang out with me again when they come back to the states."
"That's great," I said swallowing over the lump in my throat. "I'm glad you two hit it off."
Just then the show started and the boys started playing. It was bittersweet. In a couple of hours, Taylor would be gone from my life again. And once again I didn't know when I would see him next. But watching him perform was magical. This was only the second time seeing him on stage and his voice gave me goosebumps.
Zac and Taylor rejoined us during Ike's solo. Taylor took me in his arms and held me tightly.
I felt him sigh against me but he didn't let go.
"I can't believe I've found you again and am losing you again," he said after a minute. "It doesn't seem fair."
"I told you Tay," I said softly. "You're never going to lose me."
"It feels like it," he said.
"That's not what this is," I promised. "I swear. You're the only one for me."
"You're the only one for me too," he said holding me tighter.
We watched Ike's solo then Zac's and Taylor finally pulled away from me so he could go for his. He kissed me and took his place up at the keyboard and began playing "Save Me."
This song brought me to tears without much effort but tonight he was singing it directly to me.
His eyes met mine as he sung,
"Won't you, listen please?
Baby don't walk out that door.
I'm on my knees,
You're all I'm living for..."
As he went back into the bridge and then the chorus I felt my knees go weak as emotion took me over. I crouched down and buried my face in my hands.
"You okay?" Jen asked coming over to me.
I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and dried my cheeks before looking up at her and nodding.
"Yeah," I croaked out. "I'm okay."
I took another deep breath and stood back up just as Taylor was finishing the song.
He came backstage and he put his arms around me.
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I wasn't trying to upset you."
"It's okay," I said. "That song gets to me anyways. You know this isn't the end for us, Tay, right?"
He nodded, "Yes, I told you I'm not giving up."
"Good," I said and kissed him. "Now get back out there."
He smiled softly and they all returned to the stage.
"You're a mess, girl," Jen said.
"I know," I said. "Just think how I'm gonna be when he's gone?"
"Oh god," she said. "It's gonna be awful then."
I didn't say anything, just nodded. It was going to be awful. I knew i'd need to find something to distract me. I decided then I would start looking for a job the next day. I had one year left of high school starting in the fall. An after school job would help fill the time and keep my mind off of Taylor while I wasn't in school. I knew of a few bars that were looking for bar backs, i could do that until turned 18 and could waitress or even bartend.
I had gotten so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn't realized the concert was coming to an end.
The guys rushed backstage before they went back out for the encore. You could hear the crowd cheering for them.
"I'd sing every song I know just to not have to end this night and say goodbye to you," Taylor whispered in my ear before they went back out to finish the show.
Another tear escaped the corner of my eye after he whispered these words. I didn't want this night to end either. I didn't want to say goodbye to him.
They played two more songs to officially close out the show. And when they took their final bow I knew the time had come. This was it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for the next few minutes. I knew there wouldn't be much time for us to say our goodbyes. They'd have to hit the road and they still would have fans waiting outside the bus for pictures and autographs.
My eyes were still closed when I felt his arms go around me. I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder. We stood there, neither of us speaking, for awhile.
"Don't forget about me," he finally whispered.
"Never," I said, looking up into his beautiful blue eyes. I studied his face which had a light stubble across his chin and cheeks. His hair was sweaty and matted to his forehead. His cheeks were flushed red. He instinctively moistened his lips with his tongue and I suddenly wanted to kiss them and beg him not to leave me. But I knew I couldn't do that. I knew if I even suggested it there was a chance he wouldn't leave and I couldn't let him do that.
"I'll write you everyday and call as much as I can," he said.
I half smiled, "Don't forget to enjoy your life too, Tay. Don't waste your life worrying about me."
"You are my life," he whispered.
"Tay we gotta go," I heard Ike say. I could tell by his tone he didn't want to be the bearer of bad news.
Taylor nodded and cupped my face in his hands before leaning in and covering my mouth in a hard, passionate kiss. He released me and quickly walked away, trying hard not to glance back. But at the door he couldn't resist, he turned and our eyes met once more. They were glistening from tears he hadn't wanted me to see.
"Goodbye Taylor," I said.
"Not goodbye," he said barely above a whisper. "See you later."
"See you later," i half smiled as a tear rolled down my cheek and he disappeared out the door.
I said goodbye to Zac and Ike before Jen and I followed them out the door.
I watched Taylor climb on the bus avoiding the fans who were waiting.
I heard Ike apologize and tell the crowd Taylor wasn't feeling well and that him and Zac were glad they could come out. They started posing for pictures but I turned my attention back to the bus. I saw the curtain on one of the windows move back just a tiny bit for a second before falling back into place. I sighed and pulled Jen toward the parking lot. I had to get away from there.
"You okay?" Jen asked as we made our way home.
"No," I said. "But there's not much I can do about it. I did the right thing right?"
"I think so," she said, nodding. "You did what you think is best. Besides like you both said this isn't the end right?"
"I hope not," I sighed and turned my attention out the window.