Falling Down

It turns out that Jaylen didn't tell Kyle anything about my past, and that just brightened up my night. I was still feeling on-edge and jumpy, but I ignored it and Brent, Julie, Kyle, and I had our own mini party in the comfort of our own home. By midnight, I was tired and I went down to sleep. I lay on my bed and I couldn't get comfortable enough to actually fall asleep. I grab my phone and text Julie and Kyle to come downstairs.

They run downstairs right away thinking that something exciting is happening, but unfortunately for them, I just need some company. It was pretty great having them down there; Kyle rubbing my sore back and Julie and I having a deep conversation trying to figure out my future. Everything was going fantastic until the pain in my back gets way worse than it was already. It feels like Kyle had the tightest grip on me, so out of pure reflex, I screamed and punched him in the face. He rubbed his cheek with a shocked look on his face. His hands were off of me but I could still feel the pain. Oh god, that wasn't Kyle who caused that pain. I scrunch my face up and bury it into the pillow.

On January 1st, 3:30 AM, Bryanna was born. She took Kyle's last name because I don't want her to have anything to do with Jaylen, and we decided that we both want to settle down, and living together with a baby will be the best way to do that.  Today we are leaving the hospital and Kyle is going to move in with me in Brent and Julie's basement. Since he has a job, he can pay for the rent and food, so we don't have to rely on them much anymore.  I am so excited to be in one place right now, and even though I've only known Kyle for a week, I have a great feeling that this will last for a long time, and we will be a family.

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Bryanna is 6 months old now and I think things are going pretty good. Even though Kyle isn't around much because he is working so hard to support us, I don't think things can get better. Sometimes I feel kind of bad that I'm at home all the time and not working, but I know that we're doing fine here with only one paying job, and Kyle seems to be happy to work long hours for us. Because I haven't been to any type of school since grade 5 or 6, there's no way I can get into college or get a job, and now I can't rely on Liam to get me fake grades so I can do so.

I hear the door creek like it usually does when Kyle comes home from work. It's a Thursday evening, and I'm looking forward to having dinner with Kyle, which is one out of the two days that we can actually do so. Brent and Julie usually join us on Thursday, but they are on vacation in the Caribbean for another two weeks. Dinner was almost ready, so I call him over.

"Kyle, the steak will be ready in two minutes. Can you get Bryanna's bottle ready?" I call.

I hear fumbling. "Uh, not now Skye; I'm in the bathroom and it might take a while!" He shouts back. I sigh and take out the formula. Before I get a chance to do so, I hear a wail coming from the baby's room. I go in and see that her toy is stuck underneath in between the mattress and the crib. I take Bryanna out of the crib and lift up the mattress. Her toy is definitely not the only thing in there. Taped to the mattress are at least 10 baggies; all of them carrying different illegal substances. 1 of them had a couple of needles and syringe, and more had the drugs that you put in your body with the needles. I gasp.

"KYLE!" I shriek. Bryanna starts crying again. I pick her up and try to calm her down while I'm trying to calm myself down as well. I don't hear Kyle answer me. I run to the bathroom. The door is locked. I bang on the door. "Kyle, come out right now! I need to show you something!" He still doesn't answer. My first wave of thoughts is that it belongs to Brent or Julie and they've been scamming us and hoping that we would get caught with it and they would pin it on us. I burst into the bathroom with rage, and I can't wait to tell Kyle that his sister is a scumbag.

I expect to find Kyle sitting on the toilet or in the shower, but that's not what I see at all. He was laying on the floor, limp and lifeless, needle in arm. I am traumatized, but things start adding up right away. His long hours spent at 'work' were just hours on the street making deals and shooting up. All of these nights I spent with him thinking I've totally figured him out meant nothing. Now I wish I had listened to Julie and dropped him when she told me he was always looking for trouble.

Even though Kyle is gone now, I think that I am going to be able to pick up the pieces and make things better again, just like I learned to do when I met him the first time. Even though he has departed from my life, I still have people in it that will make things better and help me start over again.

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We are at Kyle's funeral and it's my task to read his eulogy. This is different than going to any other funeral, and I'm nervous as hell. I stand up and clear my throat, hands trembling. I crack my knuckles, take a big breath, and open my mouth.