Palinoia [Yoonmin]

37.

"I made you pancakes with strawberries." Jungkook smiled putting down the plate of food.

Like usual, it had a few flowers in a cup. Yellow and red. They were beautiful, but a constant reminder of Jungkook.

Taehyung looked at the plate in front of him with frown. When would he just stop pitying him?

"You should eat. I can leave if you want."

He pushed his wheelchair away from him. Jungkook quickly followed behind. "Tae will you ever talk to me again?"

"Taehyung?" He repeated softer. He abruptly stopped and faced him. He was shaking he could feel it.

"What Jungkook? I can't talk to you like before, okay?"

"We don't have to talk about our kiss or about Namjoon. I just want to be here for you. Let me be beside you."

Taehyung sighed as all the things he wanted to scream collected at the tip of his tongue.

"I'm in love with you Jungkook. I've never been sure about anything else in my life but this. I know what I feel for you. It hurts me to know you don't feel the same. I just need to heal first. I'm angry," he laughed sadly.

"I'm angry at you, at him, at me...at everyone and everything. I'm angry because I can't be that person for you and it honestly sucks. I'm angry because I'm scared I won't ever get the chance to find love. Who's going to love me like this?"

"I do. I love you. I truly do Taehyung. I..." he kneeled in front of him and grabbed his hand placing it on his chest.

Taehyung held his breath. His chest was warm, it felt strong, and just how he envisioned it.

"I might not have a heart, but I'm telling you the truth. My love for you was never fake. I feel nothing but love towards you."

He woefully smiled. Jungkook was telling the truth. Taehyung could tell it was.  What ached the most was the fact that he didn't love him on a romantic level like himself.

He slowly pulled away and continued pushing his wheelchair away. It was a beautiful thing. Jungkook's feelings were even if their relationship wouldn't evolve. Either way Taehyung would keep him in his heart.

Jungkook walked back to the kitchen and began picking up the plate. "No luck?" Namjoon wondered coming up behind him.

"He talked to me. He—he actually spoke to me again. I didn't realize how much I had missed his voice until I heard it again. He's still upset and very hurt. I have time to make it up," he smiled sweetly.

"I have a whole eternity to be by his side and who knows. Maybe one day I'll feel the same way he does."

Namjoon kept quiet and stared at the ground. Only he knew that Jungkook's time with Taehyung was slipping away.

It was only a matter of time.

•••

Yoongi took a deep breath and walked into the dance room studio. It was late and he was still wearing his work outfit.

If he didn't go ahead and did it he would never have the courage to. His heart was beating so fast it felt like his chest was exploding.

It only got worse as the music got louder and louder. His breathing got heavier when landing eyes on an angel himself.

Hoseok.

He looked exactly the same. Almost too identical to the day when he left that hot Friday afternoon.

He watched his body move gracefully to the music. As he turned he landed eyes on Yoongi gasping startled.

Now they were both looking at each other with their minds racing. Nothing was said for a few minutes.

Yoongi only looked at him and admired his beauty. Deep down this is not how he expected to feel when seeing him.

He was mainly nervous at the moment. Too nervous to concentrate on any other emotion at all.

"Yoongi..." he whispered still out of breath.

"Hoseok."

"I-I see you're still working there huh?" He said attempting to make a conversation. It was still awkward to be in front of someone who you lived with for five years.

"Yeah...I see you're still dancing."

"Yes."

"Umm...how...how are you?" Yoongi quietly asked swallowing the jittery sensation that was coming up his throat.

"I'm good. How about you?"

Yoongi thought about lying. Telling him that everything had been great, but it hadn't. Not until Jimin showed up.

Before that he was completely miserable. Waking up was a dread. Everything around him was a constant reminder of his past relationship.

He had been stuck in reverse for a year.

"I can't lie to you," he said clearing his throat. Hoseok nodded his head as he nervously dug his fingernails in his palms.

"This past year has been shit without you. I wish I could tell you otherwise. I haven't felt okay until a few months back. That's the honest truth."

"I'm so sorry."

"I came here looking for you because I needed to speak with you. I just need to know if you've moved on. I need to know if I should let go. I hate that I waited this long to seek for you. I was only trying to give you time and give myself time too. I guess I just let it go longer than I should've."

"I didn't think you'd want to see me after our last talk." He whispered.

"Yeah. I can see why. I didn't mean to be mean to you. I'm just...so impulsive and selfish. I think too much about me and not everyone else." He told in realization.

He had been so selfish with Jimin. Not once did he think of his feelings first when Jimin always did.

"I know ending our relationship was hard for you. It was hard for me too. Believe me, I wanted it to work more than anything in the world."

"Why did you stop loving me? I never asked."

"Who says I've stopped? I still love you. We just didn't work out as a couple. I think we got stuck on being the perfect couple because we were friends before. We were so infatuated with being soul mates that we didn't realize we weren't meant for each other. It hurt to split up because we were so used to being there for each other. I think deep down you knew this. You're just afraid of letting go and starting over."

Yoongi looked down at his feet. He had been told this several times before. Coming from Hoseok hit him different.

Was he still in love with him? Or just the idea of him?

"Do you have a boyfriend?" He whispered.

Hoseok took a moment to respond but finally nodded. "I do. We've been dating for four months. His name is Hoshi."

Yoongi closed his eyes for a brief second. Jimin was right and he had been such an asshole for no reason.

Hoseok stepped closer to him resting his hand on his shoulder. "Yoongi, I still care about you. What we went through will never be forgotten. You need to really move on with your life. Holding on to me will only stop you from being happy."

Yoongi nodded slowly. This would probably be the last time they were going to touch or even talk.

It was as sour as chewing grapefruit, but liberating all at once.

Getting his heartbroken was necessary to finally be able to heal.