Palinoia [Yoonmin]

43.

Yoongi smiled at Jimin who was currently snuggled next to him in bed. He wasn't  wearing a shirt and had the sweetest smile plastered on his face.

"I never knew love could he so beautiful." Jimin gushed. Now he understood why humans looked for it so much because it was the best feeling in the world.

"I knew it was beautiful. Don't get wrong Hoseok and I were happy for a while, but I've never felt this complete with someone before. You complete me in ways I didn't think were possible." Yoongi said.

"I understand exactly what you mean."

Yoongi pulled him in closer and held him tightly. He was afraid of letting go. Especially because he knew Jimin felt the same. They weren't splitting up because they wanted to. It's because they were being forced to.

How would Yoongi ever get closure from that?

"Shouldn't we get going?" Jimin asked. The clock read seven fifty. He needed to be at work at exactly eight.

"Five more minutes." He whispered heartbroken.

"That's what you said thirty minutes ago."

"Do we really have to do this?" Yoongi asked sitting up. He got a sudden burst of energy to say fuck it.

"Unfortunately yes."

"We can just run away. Fuck. I don't know let's flee together. I don't care if we have to hide the rest of our lives. I just want to be with you."

Jimin smiled sadly, "You and I know that's not possible. They will track me down and you'll get accused of stealing. It has to be done Yoongi."

He sighed loudly and aggravated. The previous night he couldn't even close his eyes. Every time he did he felt the tears brim his eyes. He stayed up the whole night with Jimin just admiring each other.

Now the time was here and neither wanted to say goodbye. "I don't care. We can do it. We can just go to some weird island. I don't know. Somewhere far from here."

"You know, you will eventually get tired of running. Right now you say you won't but what kind of life would that be? Always being on the run? Never truly enjoying it?"

Yoongi laid back down and stared at the ceiling. Jimin then laid his head on his chest and wrapped around him like a kid.

"It just feels like you're giving up. I'm trying to fight this for you. For us." Yoongi finally said.

"What? Never. I am not giving up."

"Really? Because I just suggested running away and you cut that idea off real quick."

"I'm being rational. You made me brutally honest remember?"

He nodded, "Yeah. I might've just added too much honesty." He sadly laughed.

"It's okay. It helps keep our feet on the ground. Don't it?"

"Mhmm."

"It's been three minutes. We have two left."

"Alright. Yeah." He said closing his eyes tor a brief second. The air was suddenly way to heavy to inhale.

"Yoongi. What's your favorite place in the whole entire world?"

"Being next to you."

"I'm serious."

"Yes. I'm being totally serious."

"There has to be a special place that's your favorite. Besides this."

"Why're you're asking this now? Let's not talk. Let's just lay here for a moment."

"I'm just trying to make conversation. Tell me what is it?"

"Uhh...I don't know. When I was younger my parents took me to the Seoul Tower. It looks beautiful at night when everything is lit up. I would say that's my favorite."

"When you feel sad or miss me I want you to go there. It will make you feel better."

"I highly doubt it. Even the most beautiful scenery won't do you justice."

Jimin softly grabbed his face and made him look, "Promise me you will go there when you miss me."

Yoongi looked deeply into his eyes and nodded, "I-I promise."

"Thank you. We should definitely get going now. We're late."

"Yeah." He whispered quietly.

They got in the car and remained silent on the way there. Both wanted to say so much just couldn't find the words to.

Yoongi decided to simply stretch over and squeeze his hand softly. Jimin took it and smiled looking out the window.

The tears rolled down his face. When they arrived to the parking lot Jimin also noted that Yoongi was crying.

Once again they didn't say words. They simply hugged and sniffled on each other's shoulders. So many tears were spilling from their eyes.

"I'm hurting Jimin. I haven't hurt like this in so long. I don't think I will make it without you."

"Hey listen to me," he said leaning closer. "You will get through this. You will find someone to love that takes away that fear of being loved. You will find someone that will look at you like the brightest star in the universe. You will make it. I believe in you. We might not end up together now but who knows you will probably find me in another universe."

Yoongi held him tighter refusing to let go. He held him until his fingers went numb. "I can't-I-"

"Alright we have to do this. I need you to say this out loud. I need you to tell me that you're going to move on and live a beautiful life. That you're going to travel, you're going to explore, and you're going to have the time of your life. You only have one life Yoongi. Make it count. Don't weep or hold onto me like you did with Hoseok. You have to let go right now. Say it."

Yoongi felt the knot on his throat get bigger. How could he say that when he didn't feel it? When he didn't want to let go?

But after staying quiet and looking into his eyes he swallowed down his sadness. He knew this was the right thing to do. Jimin had taught him so many things.

Living was one of them.

He wouldn't let him down. This wouldn't be in vain. He would be happy again. Jimin was right. He proved him wrong when they fell in love because he swore he would never love again after Hoseok.

Yet here he was in love with this messy boy that was too brutally honest and had the sun in his eyes. This was a sign happiness was out there in the cruel world. No matter how much he hurt at the moment.

"I'm going to live a happy life. I'm going to let you go and enjoy my life to the fullest. I'm going to find love again. I will cry and be sad about this but that won't stop me from moving on. I'm going to be okay without you." His voice cracked at the end but he did it. He said it.

Jimin kissed his lips sweetly as he caressed his face. "I love you." He said in between and smiled with joy. Of course he was also hurting, but the happiness he felt from love was overpowering.

"I love you." Yoongi responded resting his forehead against his.

"Even if they do erase my memory believe me when I say this, I will be yours forever Min Yoongi."