Keeping Faith

Chapter One: All Things New

You'll never be worth anything to anyone... The words cut through her just as it had the first time she heard them. It couldn't be true, could it?

Was she really worthless, like he had suggested? Sure, she had a successful career as a journalist and a great best friend...now. Not much more one could ask for, but something was missing. She wanted something more.

Yet she feared she did not deserve it. She knew she didn't deserve it. Yes, God had forgiven her. She was a new creation in Christ.

But how could she bring herself to trust men again? He had hurt her so bad, caused her such pain. What if all men were that way? Each one was there ready to take all they could get, but never ready to give anything back.

Still, she hadn't really given anyone a chance since Darien. Not that she had much to give now. Darien had completely taken her, twisted her up and turned her inside out before he was through.

No, decent man will want me. Not after all I have done. Faith sighed, I don't deserve it.

She traced her finger over an old photograph as she drew in a deep breath, "I wish you were still here...I miss you dad—" The last word hung in her throat. A tear trickled down her cheek and fell onto the photo. She quickly wiped it away.

Thank God, she had been given a dad like him. He had always been so kind and understanding. The complete opposite of the man she had spent two years of her life with. Darien had been anything but caring.

Compassion was not his strong suit. Yet, had she known how he would have been — No, she shook her head.

She had known from the start that he was a 'bad boy'...she was ashamed to admit it, but that was what had attracted her to him. Maybe I really am dumb, like he used to tell me...

Faith opened the small leather journal

that laid beside her and wrote:

Dear Diary,

Today, I am struggling. Really struggling. Why is everything so hard? I know that God has made me a new creation in Him...that all my sins have been washed away, but I'm still struggling.

I still feel so worthless. I want to love, but how can I? What Godly man would want me?

Then there is David...dear, sweet David. He has been so kind and loving towards me these past three years.

I really care about him...I would like to get to know him better, but I feel like it would be selfish to do so...I mean, once he learned the truth about what I was and what I've done he wouldn't want me. I wouldn't want me...

I guess it's better if I just keep my distance. It's better than getting hurt again or causing someone else pain.

God, please help me not to feel anything for David. Help me to desire only You and Your perfect will. You are enough.

Always, Faith

"Therefore if any man (woman) be in Christ, he (she) is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things (even you) are become new."

1 Corinthians 5:17

She sighed as she pinned the last of the verse in her journal, filling in the verse so it would speak directly to her. God would help her. He had too. She would forget Dairen. Ignore David and move on with her life. It was just the way it would have to be.

David smiled as he reminisced about his first encounter with Faith. It was hard to believe it had been three years ago...and he was still trying to get her to go out with him. He chuckled as he remembered all the things they had done together since his brother and sister-in-law's wedding day.

It was as if God had orchestrated their meeting and David believed that He had. Their lives would be forever bonded together because of the joining of two other souls.

"It's rather poetic really." David thought aloud. Tony glanced at him, "Are you daydreaming again?" David chuckled,

"Yeah, I suppose I am."

"You love her, don't you?"

"Who?"

"You know who."

"Faith? Yes — I really do."

"So, what's the problem?" asked Tony.

David grinned and turned his head slightly towards his friend, "Oh just one insignificant thing. One minor detail that doesn't effect a thing."

"What's that?" Tony queried his friend.

"She doesn't love me."

"Aren't you going to Aspen together?"

David nodded, "Yeah."

"So, charm her there." Tony encouraged.

David laughed, "Tony, you can't charm someone into falling in love with you. It just happens...I never planned to fall in love with Faith; yet I've loved her from the first time I saw her."

"Have you ever told her that?"

"No! Are you kidding? I'm not going to tell her that when I'm not even dating her."

Tony pondered for a moment, then with sudden hast in his voice, he barked at his friend, "You've loved her for three years! Never once asking for her love in return. Never asking anything from her. You deserve to be happy, David!"

David smiled and placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, "Tony, it's okay. Really. I guess I'm trying to give Faith the kind of love that God has for us."

Tony shook his head, "Yeah, I know, unconditional, unfailing love...but still, I don't know...maybe you should just give up on her. There's a lot of other girls that would love to be with a guy like you."

"Give up! Why should I give up? She's crazy about me—" David paused, glanced at Tony and sheepishly admitted, "She's just not completely aware of it — yet."