Keeping Faith

Chapter Twelve: Thankful

     Jonathan walked into the dining room carrying a bouquet of red roses, he stopped when he saw the table. In the candlelight, the creamy porcelain dishes seemed to glow and the crystal goblets that had been a wedding present sparkled. He smiled, "Sharla?"

Sharla gracefully flowed into the room and kissed him tenderly, "Welcome home, Jay." She glanced at the flowers and smiled, "Are those for me?" He nodded, "Now I'm looking at thirteen of the most beautiful things in the world." "Thirteen?" "Because of you." She smiled and placed a kiss on his cheek.

She turned and headed into the kitchen, "I hope you're hungry. I cooked your favorite."

He smiled and glanced around the room, "I am. Where's Kevin?"

"My mom is watching him for us, just for a few hours." She informed him from the kitchen, "I thought it might be nice to have sometime just you and I. It's been awhile since we were on a date, so I thought I would throw one for you here."

He sighed under his breath, it had been awhile. He was sorry for that. Work had taken over much of his time and since Aspen — and Devin dying, well...he hadn't spent much quality time with her.

They had a small service for Devin right before David had left for Chicago. It was hard burying a child. Even though he was thankful that God had given them Kevin, his heart still ached for the child they had lost.

He tried to act as though everything was fine, that he understood. But he didn't. Not really. Why did God allow things like this to happen? He didn't think he would ever understand.

If something was going to happen in Devin's future that God was sparing him from, then why create him at all? Why give him to them if He was just going to take him away again? Why allow them to love him and plan for his future, just to rip it away before it could start.

He couldn't count the nights he had cried himself to sleep since his son's death. Sharla was so preoccupied with Kevin that she would instantly fall asleep when her head hit the pillow.

That's probably a good thing, he told himself. Better for her to rest and move on than to stay awake listening to her husband cry. He hated crying. He was supposed to be the strong one. The one that Sharla could confide in and tell her troubles to. He was supposed to be able to handle it, but he was having trouble handling this.

He trusted God. He knew that God had a master plan. He had shown that time and time again without fail. And yet, at times like these Jonathan found himself struggling to find acceptance with God's will. He knew God's will was the perfect will, but his heart was still braking.

He prayed for God to give him strength and an understanding heart. To find value in the time they had and the son they still had. To look forward to the future, instead of dwelling on what would never be.

God would help him. He was sure of it. He had never let him down and had lifted him up so many times before. The verse in Ecclesiastes that Amanda and Bryan had shared with him so long ago was still his anchor in times like these: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:"

It was only now that he had continued to accept the rest of the verse:

"A time to be born, and a time to die...a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance...He hath made everything beautiful in His time..."

The entire chapter seemed to be his life. He clung to that verse of scripture every day. It was his constant reminder that God was truly in control.