Keeping Faith

Chapter Thirty-Three: The Heart of it All

      David sighed as Jenny walked in the room. He was growing to hate these three o'clock therapy sessions of theirs. Nothing was helping. He just wanted to escape. To run away for a while till he could pull himself back together again. Until then everything and everyone was a constant annoyance.

Jenny patted Max' head as she took her seat in the chair beside David. He tried to offer her a smile but couldn't seem to muster one up for her.

She gave him one anyway. Despite his uncooperative attitude she was never anything but kind to him. An admirable trait, but one David often reminded himself was part of her job description. She was paid to be nice to him.

"Did you feel guilty at all?" David glanced at her and arched his brow, "Excuse me?" "In our last session you told me that you killed Liz as a last resort. Did you feel any guilt or remorse about your decision to kill her?"

David sighed as he let his weigh settle in the chair, "No...I didn't have time to feel guilty. I had to survive."

"And the only way to do that was to take her life?" His eyes narrowed at her, she seemed as though she was faulting him for his decision. He shook his head, "I had no other choice. She was going to kill my brother and then she was going to kill me."

"Are you sure about that? Did you exhaust every option?" David raised his voice, "I had no options! Don't you understand that? My time had run out and I wasn't going to kill my brother...so what did you expect me to do?" She nodded, "Oh okay, so it's okay to kill one person just not the other?" David shook his head, what did she want from him? He took a deep breath, "It's never okay to kill people..."

Jenny laid down her journal and leaned towards him, "Except her, right?" David shook his head, "You're making it sound like I wanted to kill her." She grinned, "Well didn't you? You said before that you grabbed her by the throat and choked her. It was the first time you had felt free after they had captured you."

David nodded, "It was. I was able to break loose from the robes finally. It made me feel like I had a chance to escape."

She smiled at him as she asked, "You enjoyed killing her, didn't you?"

David shook his head, "No, you're wrong." She smiled and shook her head,

"Well you said it yourself you finally felt free!" David continued to shake his head, "No, no!"

"You saw your chance and you took it. You did everyone a favor, didn't you? She was evil and needed killing. She made you feel small and you wanted an escape and you got it, didn't you? You wanted to show her just how strong you could be!"

David stood and held his hands to his ears trying to block out her voice, but she followed after him with barely a step between them, her voice raised, "Admit it David! Killing her brought you the freedom you craved! You wanted to kill her! You needed to kill her!"

David spun around and yelled, "She was asking for it!" Shocked by his own response, David clasped a hand over his mouth as he staggered backward, tears swelled in his eyes, "I — I didn't mean that."

She nodded and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Yes, you did, or you wouldn't have said it. David, now that you admit it, you can finally move on from it. She was asking for it...if you didn't do it, someone else would have had to. It's okay to not want to have done it but coming to terms with why you had to and accepting your decision, will help you. Knowing that you made the correct decision — you can begin to heal."

David shook his head, "How am I supposed to be ok with ending a life?" "David, it doesn't mean you are a cold-blooded killer or that you enjoy killing, but that you have a job that requires you to make hard choices. You chose right. If you hadn't many others would have lost their lives. You might have even lost your own."