How I Commited Suicide

Chapter 7 - "What is happening?"

Edited

Previously...

We have Alice sit in a spot where we don't blow the smoke at. She doesn't smoke with us, that won't happen until she's at least 14 or 15 if she ever did wanna try it.

Present

A while later, Alice and a few of the guys fall asleep. I pick up Alice from Noah's lap as he was asleep, and carried her to her bedroom. Her room was two doors down from mine. A bathroom in between our rooms. I gently pushed open the door with my foot since the door was open a bit. I set her down on her twin size bed and pull a light purple blanket over her. I walk out of the room, closing the door when I feel myself bump into someone. "Oh, sorry" I apologize, stumbling into the person. I look up and see Alex. "It's fine," he says to me in his deep voice. I look at the ground then back up to meet his gaze. "I- hi.." I say nervously. "Hi," he replies back to me. We just look into each other's eyes until I decide to speak up, "I-I'm gonna go get a drink, keep me company?" I stutter to him. He just responds by following me as I head towards the kitchen. I pull out the lemonade from the fridge and set it down on the island. I go over to the cabinet and open it, then stand on my tippy toes, leaning against the counter to reach for a cup. I finally grab ahold of the glass cup with little square designs on it, "You want anything?" I ask, turning to meet Alex's gaze. He shakes his head no. I wonder why he's so silent.. he kept the same expression. It was weird. He was just staring at me intently with a blank face. I hope he's not still upset about earlier. I place the glass cup down on the island and shake the lemonade carton before opening it and pouring some into the cup. I turn around to place the lemonade back into the fridge but once I turn back around, what I see makes my stomach flutter. First Noah, now Alex? Wow you really are a whore. I push my thoughts and feelings aside. "I thought you didn't want any?" I ask him, grasping my cup that was held up to his lips with his left hand. "Sorry, maybe I'll go get some bleach instead, bleach my eyes out so you guys can keep fucking without me seeing. It'd be better that way so maybe I won't keep picturing him all over you," he said, raising his voice a bit toward me but not enough for the others to hear. His eyebrows furrowed together as he spoke. I could tell he was getting a bit angry. But why? I look down at his hands slightly balled up on the island. My heart starts to race but I say nothing. I feel like if I say something, I'll start to cry. I don't know why I get like this when people are mad at me. "Can we just talk about it outside?" He asks me a bit softer, loosening his fists. He's trying to stay calm. I can feel it. I nod my head slowly as he stands up. We go through the back door into the backyard, me following closely behind. I close the door behind me and go over to Alex, who's standing by the wall with no view from inside the house. I breathe in shakily and he begins to speak. "Listen, I don't know why you did what you did, but it shouldn't have happened. What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why are you acting like this?" He stepped closer to me, raising his voice and getting angrier by the second. My chest starts beating and I feel my heart tremble as if it was about to shatter all over again. "I-I'm sorry. We didn't even have sex, one thing led to another a-and I--" I got cut off by a really forceful sting on my right cheek. A sound followed with it. As if someone just got slapped really hard. And in that case, it was me. My hood falls off as I flinch and stumble a bit, quickly regaining my balance. Tears start to fall from my eyes but I try to hold them back as hard as I can. You can't even stand up for yourself. Pathetic. "W-why did you do that?" I ask him with hurt shown in my voice. I look him in the eye and see pure anger. He looks down at my neck and moves my hair to the side, causing me to flinch when he grazes his hand against my neck. His face turns ever so lightly red. "Really?! He left hickeys on you? WHAT THE FUCK?!" He yells in my face. I flinch at all the loud words and step back only to be greeted by the wall. "Why are you so mad about it?!" I shout back at him. "Because! I- you were fucking enjoying it and he fucking-" I shove him in the chest and try to walk away. Key word; try. He grabbed my shoulders and turned me back around to face him. "What?! Your excuses fucking suck, you're mad for no fucking reason!" I yelled, wanting to just go to sleep and never wake up again. "You're so fucking careless," is all he said before I slapped him in the face as hard as I could. "Fuck off! So are you! Look at how you're fucking acting. If there's an actual reason why you're mad, then let me know, don't just get all upset and fucking hit me," I yelled, then ran into the house and into my room. I was too angry to cry. I'm such a fuck up. Why did I do that?! What is wrong with me? Why did Alex make such a big deal out of it?! I can't stand this anymore! I punch my wall, leaving a dent in it, and I grabbed my blade and walked out the front door. "Where are you going?!" I heard Alex yell to me. "Fuck off!" I yelled back, and ran off. Why was he being aggressive? Why was he so angry? We used to get along great. What changed? These thoughts clouded my mind as I found my destination. The woods. I found a spot that had trees surrounding an empty space with a stump in the middle. I sit on the tree stump exasperated. "I'm so sick of this," I said, taking off the hoodie and holding the blade up to my arm. Cut after cut after cut, deeper and deeper it goes. The blood drizzling down across my skin. I cut up both of my arms all the way up to my shoulders, my thighs, My boobs, and my stomach, overlapping and reopening some of the wounds I had inflicted on myself yesterday. I hated myself. I hate myself. I grab my hoodie but don't put it on. I start walking back home, not really thinking about anything. I make it to the house but I can't bring myself to walk inside. I drop my hoodie on the ground and sit on the curb of the street. I feel the wind grazing across all the open wounds. I smell the air that has a scent of trees. I close my eyes and lean my head down against my legs, wrapping my arms around myself. I just sit there feeling confused and upset with myself.

To be continued...

A/n: hey y'all, this chapter was a little intense, I can't believe I made Alex's character get so mad. The story was a little different at first to be fair and I changed some parts but I decided to keep him mad at that situation cuz it'll make sense later on. Again, I wrote this a long time ago and this is the last chapter I had finished at the time that I was first writing this, so I'll try to make it a little better going forward. Anyway, hope y'all are enjoying the story and stay tuned for the next chapter!

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