How I Commited Suicide

Chapter 3 - Shit.

Edited.

The whole crowd of people made it over to the alley. The boys took off their sweaters and stood in front of each other. A few people pulled out their phones to record. This guy named Daze, went in between them, "Alright, not too much blood, just a one on one, no weapons except for your body, and finally, the fight doesn't end until there's cops or someone taps out.. Ready when y'all are!" He says, stepping back, into the crowd and pulls out his phone to record as well. Nolan and Ryan start going at it. Ryan hitting first, of course. Nolan's nose is bleeding and already has a bruise forming on his left eye. Blood is also falling off of Ryan's face. Daze sees a police car headed into the alleyway that we're in and yells, "IT'S THE POPO, RUN BITCH, RUN!" Everyone scatters and runs out he alley. I run one way along with Alex, Nolan, and a few other people that are irrelevant to me. Me, Alex, and Nolan start walking home, to my house since we were having a sleepover today and there was no school tomorrow and we just ditched the rest of the school day. Well.. at least there was only like two periods left of the day since it was a half day, so we're not missing much.

"Guys, why do you always get into these fights? I don't like seeing you guys hurt" I say looking at the ground, fiddling with the zipper at the bottom of my sweater. We stop due to a red light. I stand there in between the two boys. "I uh- well I don't want people messing with you. That's what most of the fights are even about" Alex says looking into the street. "I get how you feel and I'm sorry princess, I really am. It's just that sometimes when you feel a certain way towards people, you want to express it in some sort of way. I- We don't like that guy and you know why and you know deep down he deserves to get the shit beat out of him. We're just trying to help," I heard Nolan say. I could feel him staring at me. I look at the street light, hoping that the light turns green or that cars would stop driving past so we could continue walking. "I guess.. but I would really like it if you guys stop. I can't always be the one to help you with the cuts and bruises," I say as the light turns green finally. I immediately start crossing the street out of anticipation. I hear them walking, following closely behind me. I always have to be their nurse to fix them up after fights. I don't mind it at all, I'm fine with helping them with that, it's just the fact that the fights they get into are mostly because of me. This happens every year, every month, maybe every other week. I just feel bad at this point. "Zanny? Zannyyyy? You there? Earth to Zanna!!" I hear my name being called as I come back to reality, a hand waving in front of my face. We're still walking but I dozed off? Hmm. Weird. "Yeah?" I replied, grabbing the person's hand, trying to get it out of my face, realizing that it was Darius's. Oh. I guess they started walking with us. I thought, looking around, seeing that Darius and Emilio had joined us. "You were kinda just staring at the ground for a second there, you ok?" Emilio asked. "What? Yeah, I'm fine. Just deep in thought" I reply with a small smile. Now I was behind everyone with Emilio on my right. The other three in front of us. "You sure you ok?" Emilio asks. "Y-yeaah. I um.. I think I'm just gonna draw when we get home. Write.. think about stuff.." I really feel like doing it again. NO! DON'T DO IT!! You haven't done it for 2 months, a week, and 3 days. You can overcome this. You don't need it. BUT I WANT IT!! My thoughts are hurting my brain. What do I choose? Whatever. "I can tell you're lying. You still haven't let go of my hand and you're kind of squeezing it.." I hear Emilio say. I look up a little bit, realizing that me and Emilio are so far behind the other three. I let go of his hand. "I uh.. I don't know" I feel a tear blurring my vision, threatening to spill. I feel a lump in my throat and all I want is to sit in a corner. No. You can't break down. Not now. Not ever. You have to act like you're okay. Just lie. You can live with lies. You're already dealing with so many. He doesn't have to know. No one does. They don't care in the end. They never do, and it always hurts worse. Better to say nothing. Right? "Hey, what's wrong?" He asks me. I look at him as my eyes flutter, snapping back into reality. I look at my feet for a second, remembering where and who I am. I look back up at him and glance at his lips before I meet his light brown eyes. "What's wrong Zan?" He asks again, concerned by my silence. "I'm fine," I manage to say. A tear falls down my face like humpty dumpty. I don't let him notice though. You can fall apart when you get home. He doesn't need to see you like this. No one does. I listen to my thoughts and decide on just that. "Are you sure though?" He pushes once more. "Yes Emilio, I'm fine." Even though you know nothing will ever be okay. He let it go and we walk in silence for a bit. We start to pick up the pace so we could hurry home. We didn't talk to each other a whole lot, but it was comfortable. He would tell me, "I'm here for you if you wanna talk" but that was only a few times 'cause he didn't wanna annoy me I suppose. It was a nice walk, but it didn't last too long.

To be continued...

A/n: yoo hope y'all are enjoying the story! Stay tuned for the next chapter

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