Atonement

•28•

•Harrison's pov•

I watch as Aurie and Ian paint off to the side, talking and laughing. She's absolutely amazing with kids, I honestly can't think of anything she isn't good at. Of course she's good with kids, she's warm and kind, everyone loves her. I'm glad she's having fun and being happy.. it's been a while since I've seen her genuinely happy.
"Mrs?" Bonnie, a younger girl says as she taps Aurie.
"Hi there." Aurie smiles at her.
"Could you braid my hair like yours?" Bonnie asks and the smile on Aurie's face grows wider than I've ever seen.
"Yeah, I can." She nods, grabbing her hand and walking inside to braid her hair.
"You really like this girl." Beth says as she walks past all the kids, checking in on them.
"She's wonderful." I say.
I continue to help the kids paint, loving the time I spend here. I thought giving back to children would help me forgive myself for the awful thing I did, but I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that. I did something terrible.. but I will do everything in my power to help every kid in the orphanage grow up to be amazing.
I set my paint brush down, walking inside to see my girl. As I go into the family room I see Aurie sitting on the couch, Bonnie sitting on the floor in front of her getting her hair braided. I smile at the sight, loving getting to see her in this kind of situation. Normally it's guns and knifes, now it's smiles and children. It looks good on her.
"You're all done!" Aurie says to Bonnie.
"Thank you!" Bonnie squeezes her into a hug, running out past me to go back to painting.
"How long were you standing there?" She asks.
"Long enough to see how great you are with kids." I say.
"I want one, they're so cute." She says.
"A little too early to be talking about kids don't you think?" I question in a high pitched voice and she laughs.
"I didn't mean I want to have a kid, silly!" She exclaims.
"Oh good, you made me nervous." I laugh.
We get back outside, spending the rest of the afternoon with the kids, finishing up the mural, having lunch, and playing a few games. When I get here, it makes me never want to leave. My real life is so strict and hard, being with all these kids makes me feel young and carefree again. They make me feel like a good person.
"Mr. Osterfield, it's five pm." Our driver lets me know, and instantly all the kids groan and sigh, but not for me.
"Don't go yet Aurie!" Ian exclaims.
"How about this." Aurie starts. "I promise to come back and visit real soon. Okay?"
"Okay.. bye!" Ian hugs her tightly and so do all the other kids.
"Thank you so much for coming by, it means the world to the kids." Beth says.
"Of course, I'll see you again soon." I nod to her. "Come on darling, we really should get going."
"Bye guys!" Aurie says loudly to the group, taking my hand as we walk towards the car.

•Aurie's pov•

That was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Every single one of those kids was so special and wonderful. I loved them all, and I loved getting to come here.
My mind wanders to the shock and almost fear Haz displayed earlier when I mentioned kids. I know it freaked him out because, well.. we've been together for one day, but it seemed that he was insinuating that he never wants to have kids.
We get to the jet, and tiredly drag our bodies up the steps and into our seats. Of course I made Haz walk on first to ensure he didn't ditch me again, which he didn't find all that funny.
"The only way you'll ever get me to ditch you is by killing me." He teases, grabbing us two beers for the fly home.
"You sure there's nothing else that could be a deal breaker?" I ask.
"Not a thing, darling." He shakes his head.
"What about kids?" I ask.
He shifts in his seat slightly, an obvious look of discomfort on his face.
"What do you have a secret child or something?" He jokes.
"No. Obviously not." I laugh. "I just.. okay I know this is a weird conversation to have so soon but.. I really do want kids some day. Obviously I don't mean anytime soon at all but I do want kids."
He just stares down at his hands, suddenly quiet for the first time in a while. Haz always has something to say, so this is a bad sign..
"Is that the deal breaker Haz?" I ask.
"I wouldn't be a good dad, Aurie." He shakes his head. "You really don't understand."
"Help me to understand then." I say, making his piercing blue eyes gaze up to me rather than staring at the floor. I can tell he's never been in any sort of relationship where conversations are had and when tough subjects and issues come up you discuss them. He's use to having his way, giving orders, and avoiding anything that makes him uncomfortable. This is all new to him.
"You really don't want to hear this." He shakes his head.
"Yes I do." I assure him. "I want to know you Haz. I want to know how you think and why you think that way. This won't work if I can't understand you."
And it's like there's a moment, I see his walls fall down, and the real him appears. This is the first time he's look vulnerable since he told me about the assassin incident.
"My dad.. he was a drunk." He starts. "On top of that he had anger issues, never wanted a kid in his life, never wanted me. He resented me, got drunk and took his anger out on me. It's in my blood, Aurie. That man is my blood and I will never let myself become him."
His words break my heart, the way he thinks so little of himself. He's broken deep down underneath, yet he holds himself together so well you'd never expect it.
"You are not your dad. What I just saw today? That was beautiful, that is what good, loving, deserving people do. You are a good guy, Haz. Wether you believe it or not." I say.
I press my forehead to his, fingertips gliding over the skin on the back of his neck. My lips barely graze his before he lays me back on the seat, kissing me roughly and passionately.
This man is my whole world.