Atonement

•39•

•3 weeks later•

Emptiness.
That's all I've felt since Harrison died. There's a few small moments of peace, and maybe even a little bit of happiness and laughter, but that fades quickly when I remember Haz isn't here to share in it with me.
This has been the toughest three weeks of my life. I went to visit his orphanage in Ireland to make sure everything stays running smoothly there. I know he'd want me to look out for the kids. He loved them.
I've appointed Eli to take over the mob, and I don't think I could have ever made a better decision. He's doing it really well, as I've stepped back a bit. Kyler has taken on a lot of my responsibilities, and I'm really impressed with how good he is.
With all this extra free time, I've been spending a lot of it with Tom and his brothers who came after everything happened. They're so sweet I absolutely adore them. I've definitely connected with Harry the most. He reminds me a lot of myself.
As I anxiously wait for Haz's mum and sister to show up, as they wanted to meet me and check in with Tom, I also anxiously await something else as well.
I've been really sick these last few weeks. I figured it was from the extra stress and depression, but it just kept happening. Then my boobs got sore.. and I knew.
I tap my fingers rapidly to the bathroom counter, only twenty seconds left until I find out if my life will change forever.
My phone alarm goes off, and I look at the three sticks sitting on the counter.
Positive. Positive. Positive.
I breath out, almost not having a reaction. I am pregnant with Harrison's baby.. and he's not here.
"Aurie you ready? Phil and Charlotte will be here any minuet!" Tom calls from outside the bathroom.
"Yeah just a second!" I say, quickly wrapping the tests in toilet paper and throwing them into the trash can. I take a long, deep, cleansing breath, trying to center myself.
I open the door, and Tom gives me a concerned look.
"You've been in there a while." He says.
"Yeah so?" I ask.
"Are you okay?" He asks. "You're not hurting yourself are you?"
"What? No!" I exclaim. "I promise everything is okay."
The doorbell rings, and I put a smile on my face. That must be Phil and Charlotte.
"Let's go, we have guests." I say, pulling Tom down the hallway to the front door.
I stand back a bit as Tom opens the door, and instantly is pulled into a hug by a blonde woman. Another girl stands back behind the woman. She has long brown hair and blue eyes.. she looks so much like Haz it's unbelievable.
"You must be Aurie.." the blonde woman says.
"Yes, that's me." I nod.
"Could I hug you?" She asks.
"Yes." I nod quickly, wrapping my arms around her tightly.
This is the closest I've felt to Haz since what's happened. I've been excited to meet her and finally see what she's like, and I'm not disappointed at all.
"This is Charlotte." She introduces the girl who looks exactly like him.
"It's so good to meet you." I say. "You look so much like your brother.."
"He told me so much about you but I didn't think you were real." She laughs.
He talked about me to his little sister?.. I thought he didn't even really talk to them.
"Would you like to see the texts?" She asks.
"Yeah.. if you don't mind." I nod.
"You two go on, Tom and I are going to catch up." Phil says.
Charlotte and I go off to the backyard together, leaving Tom with Phil. We sit down and she pulls out her phone.
"He always talked about you." She says.
She hands me the phone, and I smile when I see his name in her phone is 'dumby Haz'
The first text with my name pops up and I read it.
Haz: her name is Aurie. She's so beautiful.. but she can't stand me. She's really stubborn and hard headed but I think that's why I'm so attracted to her. She's passionate.
This one was from a week after we met. I didn't know he even felt about me like that so soon. I read through a few more, one specific one catching my eye.
Haz: you know how I always said I never want kids?.. I think I've changed my mind. Just seeing how good she was with the orphans today made me realize that I could have a family with her. I think I want a family with her.
That one makes my heart squeeze a bit, and I hold back my tears. We could of had a family.. but now I'm having his baby all alone.
Haz: it's only been a month but I want to marry this girl.
And that's the one that sends me over the edge, a few tears slipping my eyes as I wipe them quickly, handing Charlotte her phone back.
"Thank you." I say to her. "It means a lot that I got to read those."
"I should be thanking you too." She starts. "Haz was his happiest he's been in years, thanks to you."
_____
Tom and I spent the entire day with Phil and Charlotte, just remembering and appreciating the good memories of Haz. His mum is such a wonderful human, she didn't deserve to have her sons life end the way it did. I just hope she'll be able to find some peace.
"I hope we will keep in touch?" Phil says.
"Of course." I nod, hugging her goodbye. "Anytime you guys want to stop by you are more than welcome."
"See you." Charlotte waves as they leave, and I shut the door behind them.
After being left alone, I take a deep breath. That was a lot, especially after this morning. Tom stands behind me, giving me a funny look as I turn to him.
"What?" I ask.
"Are you really not going to tell me?" He asks.
"Tell you what? I have nothing to tell." I say as we walk down the hallway.
"We're practically best friends now, Aurie. You can tell me what's going on." He says and I groan, stopping in my place.
"My boyfriend died. That's what's going on." I state.
He simply shakes his head at me, grabbing my arm as I go to walk away, preventing me from moving.
"You've been depressed about that for weeks, but this isn't your Haz depression. This is something else. I'm not stupid."
"Jesus Christ Tom you really want to know?!" I raise my voice at him.
I walk into the bathroom, grabbing the two bunched up tissues and pulling the sticks out.
"This. This is what's going on." I say, showing him.
"Oh my god.." he says under his breath.
"What am I suppose to do Tom?" I ask frantically. "I can't raise a baby on my own! I'm not ready for this! Haz is fucking dead and I'm pregnant with his baby."
"Hey it's okay, it's okay." He says, pulling me into a hug. "You're not going to do this alone."
"I wanted this with him Tom.. so bad." I shake my head.
"I know." He sighs. "But you're growing a little piece of him inside of you.. how amazing is that?"
He's right..
"And besides.. you're not doing this alone.." he starts. "I'm gonna be the cool Uncle Tom that's always around to help."
"Promise?" I ask.
"Promise." He nods.
Getting the pregnancy off my chest to someone helps tremendously. I don't know how I'm going to handle this, or what's going to happen. All I know is I won't have to do it alone. Through Haz I found a best friend that will never leave my side, and I will forever be thankful for that.
The sun sets as I sit at his grave. We couldn't have a burial since there was no body.. but I still wanted a place to be in memory of him. A place I could visit and talk to him.
"So.. were having a baby Haz." I say as I pick at the grass below me. "I know you were hesitant but I can only imagine the smile you'd get on your face once I told you.. I know you'd be happy about it."
I look over to my dads grave on the other side, smiling at the thought of telling him I would be having a baby. My dad always told me what a great mother I would be. He'd be proud of me.
"You guys take care of each other for now. I can't wait to see you both again some day.. goodnight."

A/N: AAAAANNNDDD that's the end! I'm so sorry for breaking your hearts, but I feel this book still somewhat had a happy ending. Thank you for reading💗 my new book 'Enemies With Benefits' will be out shortly!