hhHHHHhhhhHH-
I was feeling angsty and my dysphoria was NOT helping
So I wrote this at exactly 12:53 am on August 15, 2020. Because I wanted Alarmy but my parents shut of the internet for my laptop at like 10 pm and by that I mean "make it so I can use google images gmail some other assorted websites but not the ones I use for writing" to make it so I get more sleep wELL GUESS WHAT IM AN INSOMNIAC AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO I WON'T SUBMIT TO YOUR IDEAL BEDTIME HAHAHAHAHAAAAA
So yea basically I am drunk off insomnia and animal crossing and bodily dysphoria (why was I born with boobs-but also why aren't my boobs bigger. This is the struggle of your local genderfluid dumbass) and wrote this and decided to add all the angst to Aloha and Army
God help me
lezzgo
(Future Serriph here! I'ma just tell you that the lines mean a change in perspective okay byeeeeeee)
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It's suffocating.
The feeling of them hanging of your chest.
The feeling of being born into the wrong body. You know this feeling all too well.
You're broken because of it.
You're trying to fix it. Trying to fix yourself. You hide your chest. You cut your hair. You wear male clothing.
But you don't pass.
They were staring at you. They were trying to figure out what you are. You were and idiot and tripped and the clasps on your binder snapped open. Your chest was there for the world to see. You felt your vision tunnel as he took you back home.
This was how they found out. Diver always knew, but the S4 were in the dark. You wanted to keep it that way.
Skull was... supportive. More so than your actual mom and dad when you told them. They yelled and called you broken. Skull spoke softly and comforted you. No wonder he's called the Team's Mom. He's better than your parents, that's for sure.
Mask was indifferent. For all he cared, you were still you. The annoying teammate who always spoke in a sing-song voice to announce his presence. His. He accepted you. He speaks to you as if you were a guy. And, secretly, he helped you feel valid. He made sure of that.
Army...He seemed to not care at all. To not care that you were outed because of your clumsiness. Not at all. He just stopped to his room when you came out.
Did...he not care for you? Was he transphobic?
These thoughts raced through your mind.
It's suffocating.
The thought that he might hate you now is suffocating.
You run your hands over your chest, as if it were detachable and you could just remove your breasts and not have to deal with them ever again.
You spread your legs as if you had the correct genitals for what you are. As if you were born with it.
But you weren't.
You weren't born a boy. You were born a girl.
You're a girl. You're a girl. You're a girl.
...But only in your body.
You're a boy, no, a man.
You just have yet to start shaping your body.
