Solitary Carriage Rides

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Arriving at Hogsmate is, with hundreds of children getting off the train with gigantic trunks, a crowded nuisance

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Arriving at Hogsmate is, with hundreds of children getting off the train with gigantic trunks, a crowded nuisance. The flow of black cloaks clanged to shivering bodies following the patch to the carriages was starting to disperse when the dark-haired girl we put upon ourselves to follow was disembarking from the train, swinging a maroon worn-out bag on her arm and taking the example of her classmates, but choosing to separate herself from the chattered that was barely audible from her spot.

A moment of blissful peace. Something that the stoned castle in front of her offer just in the most uneven hours. She isn't the type of person that is intoxicated by the enthusiasm of returning to the magic world. There are few moments she has been excited to be anywhere, though.

Her stomach was helped with candies that Mrs. Anderson( or the trolley lady, as most know her) forced down her throat with a persuasiveness just a Hufflepuff can master. Therefore, the expectation felt in regard to arriving in The Great Hall diminished. Her resolute attitude may have at its routs her social life that sits stubbornly in the negative side of the scale, even though it is doubtful that she has any regret concerning this matter.

You see, Milena has never craved the presence of other people, she never felt the need to be chosen by those she didn't chose. In her solitude, she hide. In her loneliness, she nurture her strange kind of loyalty toward those she loved and, to be blunt, this circle was having two main members. Her brother and, quiet bitterly, Severus Snape. Be it stubbornness or an attachment issue, Milena had never ceased to assure that her former friend was living a steady existence even if it got her a handful of detentions for trying to punch or jinx some bullies. They say old habits die hard, but never mention loyalty is one of them.

The twist and turns of their relation are complicated to say the least but their departure was nothing like this. It was just a process of slowly drifting apart, of cancelling plans at first and crisp and calculated conversations that turned out in an uncomfortable silence. It is foolish to believe that childhood friendships last forever. But is crude not to believe they may survive an explanation. 

Closure. What a mess we are without it.

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For some, turning invisible may seem one of the hardest quest they would have to conquer. For Milena, on the other hand, it became a game. A test, if you want. A way to test her sneakiness. A way to keep her head above water. Growing in a household where breathing loudly is a luxury teaches you enough patience to wait for the last carriage and enough composure and resignation not to feel small about it or believe that being small is a bat thing. 

What a curios thing is it...How polar opposite attract. How, while Severus was scared of being small she turned it in a way of survival. Our fears tell a lot about us. After all, they are one of the central thing that keeps us moving. We are scared of failure, so we study our head off our shoulders, we are scared of illness so we try to nurture out body, we are scared of becoming another person so we burn all the bridges that associate us with them, we are scared of being invisible so we jump at the opportunity of seeming important in someone's eyes.

Fear shape us. But we, alone, can't shape fear.

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The aesthetic of riding a carriage alone at night while staring at the pitch-black horse pulling it towards a medieval castle seems just a bit grim. But in it's gruesome nature, the soon-to-be 16 year old girl fell into a blissful reverie, wondering her own micro-universe of steal and stone and forgetting, if only for one second, the existence of anything outside her small bubble.

Forgetfulness is beatitude. 

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