L-O-V-E, Love - [Smosh] Courtmien / Courtamien

ch. 13 "Mind Field"

Courtney thought about Damien and what had happened for a majority of her night. She couldn't sleep again, and all she could think about was what had happened. It was a war zone of thoughts, actively arguing and throwing grenades into her mind field. I can't. I just can't. What if he thought Olivia was lying, or if it was just me pretending to be Olivia?

(lil note: I think that I'll incorporate some journal stuff like they mentioned in the smoshcast, and maybe some of my own little smoshcast events in this more. leave some ideas if u want to in the comments if u have any. thanks, and enjoy!)

Courtney's POV

"I'm tired of all this. Can't you take your mind off of him? It used to be a little crush, you thought he was pretty cute. Then, you chilled off for a bit and didn't think about it, only "oh, kind of cute and nice guy." Now you're here? Nothing is going to happen, after all he didn't really say much and most likely doesn't think much of it."

I wrote this in my journal earlier. Looking over it just makes it even more confused. I can't sleep anymore. I can't chill anymore. I can't keep this in anymore.

I looked over at the message, tears forming in my eyes. Why is it so big of a deal?

Dames 💙: O alright thanks for letting me know I guess

Dames 💙:  U can tell her that it's fine, and thanks. See u on Monday Olivia

My mind boggled. There was nothing but these thoughts. It feels like the times where I can have some peace from this are so short, so temporary. I just want to be able to just be like friends again, instead of thinking that I have to confess this and expect some sort of drama or silence from Damien. I hate it, I just hate it. Can't it just be a crush? I want to tell someone other than Olivia and ask for advice, but who would understand? Who would be able to help me?

I thought about it a little longer. Maybe Shayne, but his relationship with Damien may be affected, and I don't want to do that to him. Keith? Eh, I feel like he might be the one to let it out. I just don't think that anyone else would understand as much as Olivia.

I still don't feel comfortable about talking with Damien as much anymore. I love him and can still talk, it just feels weirder for my side. What does he think about that one day with Noah, Shayne, and Olivia?

Those dreams that I had messed me up. The first was okay and all, but it's just so confusing. Would he like me back? Would he start to ignore me? Would it be awkward on set? What if we started dating, would we get fired from Smosh? How would Ian feel? How would everyone else feel?

There's no hope. There's only a dream, a fantasy, a "what if?" I have doubts Ian would be allowed to condone this, even if he really wanted to. If I told Damien, he probably wouldn't like me back. It would just be awkward, and I'm certain of that. So, so certain of that.

Maybe it's time to just, stop trying. Stop caring, think about this as a crush. He's only a friend, only Damien.

--

Hey errybody! Hope you found this smaller chapter nice. I think I'm going to do some posting of shorts during the weekends and work on shorts during weekdays if I have any ideas. Sorry if I haven't been as active lately. I still check my notifs everyday, I just haven't felt inspired or motivated to write, so basically writers block. I've been quite active on my Discord account, so if you want, you can always contact me at kunning#1892. I'm always on there for the most part, so if you really want to catch my attention, that works as well.

Anyways, thanks for over 700 reads. I'd just like to thank all you guys in an a/n later on, and of course this number may change. Thank you, so, SO much.

- little/biggy 💜