Scarlett

Chapter 10: A night together

I tried to not look at Mark when he walked towards me. He was shirtless with only a pair of grey track pants that hung loose from his waist. He placed his wet towel on the back rest of the chair and sat on the bed next to me, with his back against the headrest.

"It's a good movie." Mark stated and looked at me. I could see him from the corner of my eyes. His eyes were fixed on me. I wondered what he searched for.

"Yeah. I really like it." I continued to watch the movie and pretended that Mark, who sat right next to me without a shirt on, did not affect me at all. The truth was that I felt conscious of myself as I sat in my black camisole and a loose bunny printed pyjamas.

I noticed that he was soon distracted and began to fiddle with his phone. Minutes passed and he continued to remain occupied with his phone. I turned towards him and found a smile play at the corner of his lips while he texted someone. I was suddenly curious. I knew that it was none of my business but I could not help but wonder if it was his girlfriend.

"Hey Mark, how is your girlfriend?" I asked innocently. I had completly turned my attention towards him.

"Girlfriend?" Mark looked confused for a moment but then he continued, "Oh yes, my girlfriend.  Jen is doing well. I was actually just texting her, what a coincidence." He chuckled and continued to stare at his phone.

Mark's reaction to the word 'girlfriend' surprised me. He looked confused for some reason. Maybe I assumed a bit too much. Maybe he was just distracted. But the thought faded as soon as he told me that he had been texting her. I realised that my own assumption was spot on. I felt a pang of jealousy erupt within me but I tried to avoid it.

I felt a little irritated by his lack of attention towards me and decided to turn off the television. The My Best Friend's Wedding no longer appealed to me. I was more curious about my best friend's relationship. I craved for Mark's attention as much as Julianne craved Michael's attention in the film. The movie began to make sense to me on a different note, at a completely different level and I came up with the perfect plan to distract him. I was still immature, I realised but did not care.

"I want to try the beer that we bought." I told him and grabbed the two bottles from the bedside table and handed them over to him.

"Woah, easy there." Mark interrupted and kept his phone on the bed. And that was a point for me. The plan was successful, I smiled to myself. I did not know why but I was glad to be able to interrupt their conversation. There was a sense of accomplishment that I felt within me. When Mark had all of his attention turned towards me, I felt confident.

Before I could realise,  it was all a competition in my mind. It was a competition between me and a woman that I never met. But I was ready for it.

"You think that I won't be able to handle it?" I asked with a smirk on my face. Even I thought the same about myself. I knew that I would not be able to handle an entire bottle of beer but I tried to remain confident. An unexplainable force within me gave me the confidence to explore myself a little more. I did not want Mark to think any less of me. I almost felt like a competition between me and his girlfriend that I had never met. I knew that it was wrong. I knew that I was wrong.  But for some reason I did not care. I had realised by then that life was too short to care about everything and everyone. But it was important to care about oneself.

I almost felt like I deserved to have what I wanted because of my past. I had lost so much, so many years and so many opportunities. It made me want to have what I liked, all by myself. I knew that the thought was wrong. I knew that Mark was not an object that I could win. He was a human, with emotions and feelings and his own thoughts. He had never really done anything in particular that made me believe that he had the slightest interest in me. I knew that all of it was not a mere competition for me to feel worthy of myself. I did develop feelings for Mark, a little more that what a friend should. But I could hardly catch hold of my own feelings.