Scarlett

Chapter 13: The game of life

I jumped into the cold water of the Cheshire lake. My sudden act was not governed by any prior thought of its consequences. For the first time in a very long time, I did something without much thought to it. I found everything around me fade. The colours of the bright sky, fleshy leaves, glistening blue water and the sounds that surrounded me began to fade when I jumped. I began to feel lightheaded. I felt like I was a feather that floated in an airless space. I felt light without my worries, without the anxiety and fear that surrounded my mind all the time.

I soon began to feel the cold tingle of the water caress my warm skin. The sensation initially began at my exposed angle and then spread vertical against gravity across the rest of my body, towards my head. In no time, I found myself inside. I did not feel distinct, rather I felt like I was a part of the lake where I jumped. I closed my eyes tight and felt the cold water surround me, slowly but completely.

I heard a faint scream. Someone had cried out my name in agony. But I was too much at ease to react to the call. My eyes remained closed under the water and I experienced a feeling that was familiar yet it felt distant. My mind saw flashbacks of every moment that I had spent in the lake as a child, all the swimming lessons with Dad, the day I began to learn swimming to the day I last swam in there. I knew that my dreams about the lake were a distant memory, so distant that I precisely knew that they were fourteen years old, yet all of it appeared fresh in my memory like it had happened yesterday.

I quickly recalled moments in my life after the coma that truly made me believe in second chances. Derek's giggles, Mum's warm hugs, Chris's reassuring smile and Mark's kiss flashed as memories in my mind. I smiled at myself at the thought of meeting them again and being around them. They had changed my life for good. With them next to me, I began to laugh again, hope again and most importantly, live again. I felt loved by them and I loved them. Little did I know that my happiness was to be so short lived that even my second chance at life would cease altogether. I wondered what my purpose in life was to be awake again after fourteen years to only die again very soon. The uncertainty of life frightened me.

My life disheartened me. The truth was something that I failed to deny, even to myself. The truth was that I had began to enjoy life more, I began to look at things with optimism and hope, I hoped for a good future. With the present realisation that all of it was a big lie and probably a conspiracy at the higher order, I felt weak and hopeless. I mentally laughed at my own self and my foolishness that made me believe that I could actually have a real chance at life.

Life surely hated me. Pain and death had become my best friends ever since I was a child, I realised. I was destined to meet death, not just once but twice. Life probably laughed at me. It perhaps laughed at my weakness and helplessness. I had plans for the future but I did not have a future. 

I felt anger build up within me. Life had messed with my head, and it had messed with me. I realised that I could not let it get away with the assumption that it won the battle against me. No, I would not allow that. I would not let that happen. I decide that I had to find my own way with life. I had to live my life with the constraints of time that my life proposed to me with. I had to have a chance at a happy life, no matter for how long that would be. I had to make most of life. I had to remain happy, for I could not let life win. I had to defeat life. I had to win the game of life.

I knew that it had only been a few seconds but it felt like I was under water for hours. My stream of thoughts on life was disrupted by a sudden and unexpected splash of water next to me. The impact made me open my eyes immediately and I gathered myself at the surface. I stared wide eyed as I realised that it was Mark who had jumped into the water, next to me. I noticed Mum who stood in front of her car by the lake. Her lips moved and I realised that she was saying something but the water had locked my ears and I silently watched her cry at a distance. I turned my attention towards Mark who rose at the surface of water, next to me. He immediately clenched onto my right arm as I gaped at him, speechless. I watched his lips move and slowly I began to hear a faint sound. I gently shook my head to normalise my hearing and I could hear better, almost everything.