Scarlett

Chapter 22: Life is worth a try

I jumped out of the bed in excitement when I felt the morning breeze gently brush against my smooth skin. To my surprise, Mark was not in bed with me. I stretched my arms and smiled to myself at the thought of the previous night.

I briskly made my way to the bathroom to complete my morning hygiene routine when I began to feel uneasy. I started to feel slightly dizzy in my head and almost stumbled on my way inside. I tried to clutch on to the slippery bathroom wall to support my body that had begun to weaken. I felt a knot in my stomach as intense pain suddenly took over my body. It began at the pit of my stomach and quickly made its way towards the rest of my body. I began to feel a pulsating sensation inside my head. I felt like my head would tear apart. The pain only intensified. I crouched down to ease the pain but that did not help. I lay flat on the floor and tried to scream for help. The pain was too much, almost unbearable. I realized that my screams were not loud enough. I could not gather enough strength to scream out loud.

I began to feel heavy in my chest, almost as if I was suffocating. I began to panic which made me feel worse. By my luck, Mark entered the room with a cup of coffee and discovered me on the floor, sweaty and in pain. I looked at him wide eyed as tears drizzled down my eyes. Not a word left my mouth in distress.

Dad and Mark rushed me to the nearest hospital. It was the same hospital that had refused me years ago. It had no faith in me or my ability to survive the difficult battle. The feeling was mutual. The car ride was painful as I lay stiff on the backseat with my head gently placed on Mark's lap. I did not know why I felt the way I did. But I knew what was to come.

"It is happening, isn't it?" I whispered. I tried to focus my eyes and watched Mark's expression change. He knew what I meant, I knew that he did. But he avoided my question.

It was happening, finally. It was time. How did I forget my ill fate? Every time I was happy for something good that had happened, I was reminded of my ill fate. I knew that my days were numbered but it was much shorter that what I had anticipated. I was devastated. I could see my dreams shatter before my eyes. I did not have big dreams. All I wanted was to live a life. I wanted to be happy. It was all that I had ever wished for.

I felt hopeless. Life began to seem meaningless to me. Maybe life had been meaningless all the while. Perhaps I expected too much from it. I knew that the day would come when I would have to leave all of it, my family and my friends, the town that I grew up in, the city that I had fallen in love with and my own self.

I was afraid to die. I often thought about death. I frequently wondered if it was painful or rather, if it was blissful. I recalled my earliest memories at the hospital in Hillwood. I remembered how fearful I was. I was left baffled with my eyes and ears completely shut. I felt suffocated as if I fell into a void of darkness, numbness and nothingness. I was terrified to experience all of that once again. Only this time, I knew that it was different. This time I knew that I would not wake up, ever again.

Life could be so unpredictable, and so uncertain. One moment, I was comfortable on my bed with the man I loved and in the next moment, I was on my way to a hospital with feelings that were indescribable. I realised that life was nothing short of a game. It was a game to survive. I tried to play the game of life but I was too weak. I lost the game. I lost to life.

As soon as we reached the hospital, a number of paramedics surrounded me. I was carried out of the car and gently allowed to rest on the stretcher. I was conscious and observant and I noticed multiple nervous faces of strangers surround me. The faces looked at me in pity and I knew very well what it meant. I knew what they thought about me. They flooded multiple questions all at once. They asked me how I felt at the moment but I did not answer. I was too broken to answer. I only stared at their worried faces until I felt a sharp pain in my left arm. I recalled the familiar sensation of the sharp syringe against my tender skin. I was taken to the emergency ward and gently transferred to a bed from the stretcher after which I began to feel drowsy as my surroundings turned dark with each moment that passed. I soon drifted into a much comfortable state of sleep.