Almost Never Existed

Chapter 1

Words Rule The World

I woke up feeling determined to do this on my own, positive energy arised within me early in the morning.

The cold air in the room welcomed me allowing goosebumps to take over my body.

The cold air would always be something i would want to change but unfortunately it's something which is not in my hands for the time being.

It's different, it feels different, it feels as though we have never parted, you still live in my heart with the faded memories we've shared.

You sort of appeared in my dream today, but I couldn't tell.
My dreams are another version of my life at this moment, nothing is vivid; everything's plain and in pieces.

Sometimes i feel like knowing the future would scare me till the end of my life but not knowing would keep me alerted for the rest of your life, but I'd still choose the unknown over the known, I would rather sleep not stressing about tomorrow.

My morning went as smooth as an unused duvet, nothing strange yet nothing exciting, the human brain is indeed very complicated and that sort of stuffs should only be understood by Allah.

I mean if you replace the 'i'll leave you for the sake of Allah' to 'let's break up' you would find me shattered into pieces, knees on ground and probably crying an ocean, nothing i haven't done before though! But then do you see the massive difference? It's just the 'words' they rule the world.

Life goes unexpectedly, people appear out of nowhere and people disappear without short notice, we live in a world filled with tests, temptations and sacrifices. Imam Ali once said "what you hide in your heart appears in your eyes" and that really hit me, it doesn't necessarily mean you'd have to stand next to and individual glaring at their pupils in search of their thoughts, rather you just sense it when someone speaks to you, if i were to use a term which is well used it would absolutely be "vibes" you sort of get their vibes don't you think?

Speaking of vibes; as depressed as it turns out to be, i can't deny but confess that i sense weird vibes from you, i mean ever since we've stopped communicating; we or perhaps 'i' communicate with you through posting islamic quotes and iman boosting narrations.

Disappointment and guilt takes place as i recall the amount of times I've posted things to reassure you that 'i still love you' and that i would wait for you as long as it takes, as long as it takes for you to come to me and ask for my hands in marriage. I live up to the thought of it every single day.

Per-case our love could be infatuated with a lot of desires for all i know, if so; then why would it last for long? I was guilt ridden when I realize that i'm merely allowing shaytan to play around with my thoughts, we've let him be the third person amongst us for years and years, Which explains why love before marriage is wrong, no wait! let me rephrase it, 'it is the way you love that defines if it's right or wrong'. It knocks some sense doesn't it?

I could pin-point a large amount of mistakes that the youth of our time incorporates with the term 'love'. Love definitely exists in islam before and after marriage, but people misunderstand and misuse the ideology of love before marriage; for example many a times you may find teens defending themselves with 'i'm going to marry him anyways', my cheeks warmed up in a bright red color when i realized i was one of those people too, once upon a time!

Coming back to the topic, the fact that you indulge yourself with haram communication, haram love and affection, you're doing nothing but welcoming shaytan to enter between you and your so called lover and you are inviting shaytan be the third person in your relationship. Hypothetically let's assume that perhaps you took a step further in trying to better yourself by preventing yourself from speaking alot, or obtaining your modesty in front of your lover, but it still doesn't cover the fact that it's haram does it?

Imam Ibn Al Qayyim said "falling in love is a disease and it's cure is to marry the one you love" how can you possibly marry the person you love when the both of you are presumably younger than twenty years old? You now have the rights to question your love; It could be just an attraction or a fling, it could also be just a small attachment that wont last long i believe? Well, if that's the case then you aren't only disappointing Allah but you're also adding extra points to your book of bad deeds.

But on the contrary if the love you have feels real, you feel like he's/she's the one for you then islam allows you to get married once you reach the age of puberty, because you are considered as an adult therefore marriage is obligatory to you regardless of what the society or traditions speak of, regardless of what parents and relatives say. But yes you can find immaturity amongst the one's who has already reached the age or puberty, it's only because of the way they were brought up, our generation is very accustomed to treat teenager as young as they even turn out to be.

I wish if parents in this era would just let their girls and boys take responsibilities starting from a young age and treat them with respect and kindness, maybe teach them to work hard even if it is as little as making your bed, or doing household chores, maybe allow boys to sit with elders and watch a lecture about islam to gain some knowledge, maybe allow your 13 year old to work young, a working man knows the value of life, he knows the value of wealth and would definitely be grateful to Allah (SWT).

Maybe parents could start apologizing for the 5 year olds mistake rather than saying 'she's just 5 years old, she's a kid' it trains their brains to think that it's okay to do thing's because 'mommy always says i'm still small' yes indeed they are small but you dont have to always let the kids hear that they are too young for having responsibilities, they can behave bad for all you know but never justify their naughtiness by saying 'he's/ she's small' in front of them.

It's almost 5:00 am in the morning, my ears are distinctively filled with the sound of birds chirping. My gaze directed towards the window noticing the darkness is overpowered by a slight blue shade, the sun is almost out i thought to my self, I suppose i can't really give my brain a rest from thinking of all the probabilities of having you as mine, or quite the opposite.

Im not ready to lose you yet my beloved human being. I can love you in my heart as long as Allah allows me to, and as long as He Wills.

I can now be content at the fact that i have proved that i really love you for the sake of Allah. As my heart beats in ease by the will of the almighty, i finally found myself some sleep.