Who Are You?

ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ ᴏɴᴇ

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"yoongi-ah..." she mumbled.

i wiped the tip of my nose with the back of my hand, "can i come in?"

she nodded her head slowly, stepping to the side and opening the door wider. i walked in, it smelled like rice and pasta water, along with my mom's natural scent.

home.

i sat down on the couch, slipping off my jacket. "would you like something to drink?"

i shook my head, "i'm okay..."

"not even whiskey?" she grinned. well she got me there. she smirked, "i'll be right back."

i rubbed my sweaty hands on my thighs, waiting patiently for my mom to come back. and when she did, she brought her new husband along with her.

"yoongi-ah," she smiled. "this is nate."

he smiled as he looked at me, holding out his hand, "it's nice to meet you."

i nodded, trying my hardest to keep my cool, "nice to meet you too." i bowed politely, shaking his hand after.

she handed me a small glass of whiskey as she sat down, "so, what brings you here?" she asked nervously. i'm surprised she's talkative right now.

"i um...i needed to talk to you about something." my voice sounded almost hoarse, her face fell a bit as she looked at me, turning to nate, "could you give us a minute?"

nate nodded, going into the other room. "what's going on? you look like you haven't slept..have you been crying?"

i sighed, tucking my bottom lip inwards as i looked down at my hands, "i've just been struggling..."

"with?" she asked.

"with everything...life..." i muttered.

"because of me?" she gulped. i didn't look at her. "yoongi-ah...i just want to say that i'm sorry."

"what?"

"i'm sorry. i'm sorry i never understood you and held you back from doing what you wanted to do. i never was a proper and supportive mother to you and i'm sorry for that," her voice cracked.

"i love you so much...you and your brother are all i have left of your father. but your brother drifted away from us and i didn't want that to happen with you..."

i rubbed my lips together, "what made you realize?"

"my wedding day..." it felt like i was sucked into a deep and suffocating hole. i never did show up for her wedding.

"nate made me realize the things i did wrong, where i went wrong. and the fact that both my sons didn't show."

"i'm sorry..." i mumbled. she smiled, putting her hand on mine, "i understand."

i bit my tongue as i felt my body start to shake. "mom i messed up really bad..." i hid my face in my hands, crying.

she squeezed her hand tighter, "what happened?"

"i hurt her...i hurt my best friend. i was drunk and messed up and i said things i never should've said to her. and i tried apologizing but she....she isn't with me like i want her to be.

"she's helped me so much and she made me feel human. she got me to stop smoking cigarettes and she made me feel like a better person. i wanted to be a better person for her.

"and now her trust for me is completely lost and i feel like she'll never forgive me again. i wish i could take back what i said to her because the last thing i ever wanted was to hurt her and ruin her..."

my mom rubbed my back as i sobbed. "are you sure she's just a 'best friend?'"

"what?" i asked. "do you love her?"

the question hit me like a train. do i love her?

"yes..." i answered truthfully. she smiled, "then you can't let her go that easily. she wouldn't let you go either."

she wouldn't let me go. even after pushing her away she still tried to keep me.

"talk to her in person. tell her how you feel, no matter how hard it may be to put into words. there's no doubt that she feels the same way about you." she said.

"what if she gets back with her ex or something..."

she chuckled, "now that is the small minded part of my son talking. if you know her well, do you really think she'd go back to her ex?"

absolutely not. i shook my head.

"you know me and your father got into this huge fight this one time," she chuckled lightly. "i slapped him, hard. and he didn't get mad, he just let me cry. that was the first time he told me he loved me."

"and what happened afterwards? you forgave him right away?" i asked.

"when he told me he loved me, it felt as if the world had stopped. i couldn't believe it. but it then made me realize how much i had loved him too." she smiled weakly.

"so i should tell her how i feel...?" i wiped my cheeks. she nodded her head.

"thank you, omma..." i mumbled. she smiled, caressing the back of my hand with her fingers, "you're welcome."

i looked her in the eyes, she still looked young, with faint wrinkles. i always thought she was a vampire when i was younger because she looked like she never aged.

"i'm sorry i didn't come to your wedding..." i breathed. her eyes teared up, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, hugging me.

i hugged her back, taking in her scent. she smelled like perfume and soap. that's how she always smelled.

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day 2 of school finished lmao

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so much pain, too much crying
「 we are bulletproof: the eternal - bts 」