Total eclipse of a heart (Embry Call)

18. Dates can be fun

I wanted to sleep. I wanted to sleep so badly for so long, but my senses were keeping me awake. Or was it Rachel's unyielding glare?

"What?!" I huffed, slamming my hands onto the mattress as I sat up and looked at her. She sat in a chair by the window, observing me instead of nature - as if I were a wolf in sheep's clothing, someone who would rip her throat out without a second thought.

"Stop giving me the death glare and talk. If you have something to say, I'm here, so say it or let me sleep in peace!" I yelled, frustration catching up with me, joining the lack of sleep I've been chained with for weeks if not months.

"You lied to me. You put me, my family and Paul in danger. You put yourself in danger. What am I supposed to say about that?" Rachel spoke plainly, not a trace of malice in her tone. She seemed genuinely uncomfortable, not knowing how to act properly around me. It's funny because it might be the first time ever I felt completely comfortable around her.

"I did. Because I wanted to protect my family. Because I had a job to do. It's all I've known. And I'd do it again." I stated, not breaking eye contact with my best friend...or is she my former best friend now?

"If you have questions, I'll answer them. But I won't lie and say I regret my choices. I mean, my whole damn life has been turned upside down since I got here. My belief system is being torched and I'm quite honestly...happy, for the first time in forever. I have no regrets." I shrugged, licking my lips attentively, knowing that I truly mean what is coming out of my mouth right now. I am...happy.

"Was I ever a friend or just an assignment?" Rachel's voice is small, unsure and perhaps a little resentful. It doesn't affect me much, aside from the guilt I've been dealing with since we met. I'm used to it by now.

"Yes. You've been my best and only friend. I care a great deal about you. Enough to lay down my life for you. Not that it matters now." Dropping my body back on the bed, I stare at the ceiling instead. Heart to heart conversations have never been my thing. Emotions have never been my thing. This is all too new for me. Too much and it overwhelms me. But necessary, I'm aware. Emotions are part of being human and I'm human, am I not?

"Why do you think that?" I heard her chair creak, knowing she's gotten up. I can hear every footstep she makes, despite her being on her tiptoes.

"Because I've betrayed your trust. I can't expect you to trust me again. And you probably shouldn't." She's sitting on her side of the bed, sighing heavily.

"I lied to you about many things as well. You're not the only one at fault here. But I'm willing to trust you'd do the right thing when it comes to it, Val. You're a good person." She lays down beside me, her weight dipping the mattress.

"Do you trust me not to hurt Paul? Or Jacob?" I tilt my head just enough to catch a glimpse of her fleeting smile, knowing she's got no doubt about her response.

"You won't. You're pretty into my idiot brother and Embry is your imprint. Whatever you choose, you'd still be a part of the pack. Although I'm sure I know what you'll choose." She chuckled, her hand pushing mine in a playful manner, making me turn to my side.

"I don't." I whisper, a serious tone taking over my voice and facial features.

"Jacob is a great guy. He would make you happy, I'm sure of it. But Embry...being with an imprint isn't alike anything you could ever feel with any other man. It's like living in a bubble - always safe, always light and always counting on someone to catch you if someone bursts it. It's your choice, but an imprint is your true love, completely compatible and while you'll always worry for him, you'll be endlessly grateful you chose that path to take." Her words left me thinking, spiraling more than thinking.

My choices are much larger than just the guy I want to be with. My choice is between love and family - duty and honor, letting go and revenge. It's much more complicated than choosing between Jake and Embry.

"I'm going on a date with Embry." I mutter, deciding to keep my thoughts and dilemmas to myself this night.

What's the point of throwing this into the world when no one can help me in choosing? This is my burden to bear, my decision to make.

Could I really leave the family business and never know what or who killed my mother?

"You don't sound so happy about it." Rachel chuckled, gripping her pillow tightly. I roll my eyes at her, biting my lower lip.

"I am...I think. I'm just not good at the whole dating thing. Especially now when..." I trailed off, not sure what to say or how to describe the anxiety swirling in my gut.

"Now when you're really you? When you have to be honest and vulnerable?" She finished my thoughts, catching me by surprise. Perhaps she understood me better than I thought. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

"It's terrifying. People in my line of work don't tend to get attached to anyone. People we love end up paying the ultimate price. I'm scared I'll get him killed." I admit sheepishly, feeling heat rush to my cheeks and a lump grow in my throat, making it uncomfortable to swallow.

"Let him decide if the risk is worth taking. Just be open with him. You might be surprised by how mature and understanding he can be." Rachel took my hand in hers, giving it a soft, reassuring squeeze.

I feel my nerves dwindle down, my eyelids turning heavy with the never ending feeling of dream dissipating.

"Besides, dates can be fun." She whispers and I smile, wanting to roll my eyes at her, but I can't force my eyes open anymore, my mind already drifting.

Maybe Rachel's right...What could go wrong?