Total eclipse of a heart (Embry Call)

32. Never meant to hurt you

Arms crossed, leaning with my left hip on the banister, I force myself to look at Jacob and face the consequences of my actions. When I arrived to La Push, it's Jacob who made me believe it wouldn't be insufferable to stay...it was Jacob that caught my eye first and if Embry didn't imprint on me, I'm not sure if Jacob and I would have this painful distance between us or any distance at all.

"I want to apologize." I raise my eyebrow at his words, expecting anything but an apology, especially when he has every right to feel the way he feels. It's me who made the mistakes and he ended up as collateral. He's not the one who should apologize because I played his heart to its last beat and while I never meant to go that far, it gnawed on me day in and day out. Regret is a terrible thing, especially when it corrodes your heart and mind and I had more than a few regrets at this point in my life.

"You don't have to say that." I speak up before Jacob has a chance to continue and while he smiles faintly, he raises his hand - palm open toward me as a way of saying I should let him talk.

"I do. I really do. I know what imprinting is and how it effects both the wolf and his imprint and I was still acting like a jerk toward you as if you have any say in how the bond manipulates you." And that's when I frown. Does he think my feelings for Embry are a fabrication of the bond?

"I'm jealous because you and I had something and I really saw it going somewhere but I should have responded better and respected your choices even if I don't necessarily agree with any of them." Jacob sighed, rubbing the back of his neck before wetting his lips. His eyes fixed on mine, his heart laid bare, it felt oddly intimate considering he's telling me I'm a clueless puppet of destiny.

But aren't we all?

Who can tell what the future brings and how good or bad will it be unless we go through it all? I certainly can't and neither can he and it's easy for him to judge when he's on the sidelines.

If he ever imprints, he'll see it's more than that...it's cosmic, like a kaleidoscope of the most intricate emotions all shaped into a single human being that brings your life meaning.

At least that's what Embry is for me. Before Embry, I was consumed with a rage, vengeance that left my soul desolate and now? I just want to keep him safe.

"I won't meddle in your relationship anymore but I will be here for you if you need me. Because even if you hurt me...deeply...I love you." The words left his effortlessly, words I struggle to comprehend - three words, eight letters and they cut like knives. What does one say to that? How does one ignore the ache in one's heart when the words are spoken out loud? Because they hurt me, break me, choke me and I can't breathe from the heavy impact of the meaning they carry.

"I'm sorry." I croak, covering my mouth with my hand, hoping to hide the trembling lips as they betray just how hard it is to hear his confession. I never had love in my life, but Rachel came along and I felt what friendship is, then came Jacob and I learned what butterflies are, Alec taught me of forbidden love and Embry? He taught me what soulmates are made of.

"I never meant to hurt you. Jake, I'm so sorry." The tears fill my eyes and blur my vision and before I know it, his arms are around me and while I should push him away and keep the distance, Jacob is first and foremost a friend and then a guy I could have loved. I know it in my bones that if it were just us, he'd be the one.

But it isn't just us and it never will be.

"Shh. As beautiful as you are even when you cry, I'd much rather see your smile." He whispers in my ear, his hug growing stronger, tighter, warmer and it feels good but I know it's not right. I'd hate to see Embry hold another and I can't imagine he'd appreciate the sight either.

Forcing a smile, my palm splayed against his chest is all I need to give him the slightest push and he takes the hint immediately, his smile weak but present...for me. He's smiling for me, to make it easier and I appreciate it deeply, with all my heart.

"You two seem cozy." Rachel interrupts and I chuckle.

"Just two friends talking." I explain, glancing at Jacob and the weak smile he had falters momentarily.

"Thought you'd like to know there are new developments on the Cullen front. Paul is going there soon and Embry is on his way." Rachel informs, giving me a knowing look with a touch of disappointment in her dark eyes. I'm sure she's not my biggest fan considering I broke her brother's heart and lied to her for months before putting her entire family in jeopardy. But she still warned me...us, and that's just the kind of person Rachel is - kind even when you don't deserve it.

And I don't deserve her.

"Jacob." I stop him as he takes a few steps down the stairs and I can't help but notice the way his shoulders tense with the sound of my voice, as if I'm afflicting physical pain with every moment he's standing so close.

"I'm not sure what the future brings, but I know you'll find the one when the time is right. I envy the girl meant for you. Truly." Smiling meekly, I sigh when he nods without so much as a glance, heading toward the woods with a clear need of shifting.

And as Jacob leaves, Embry appears with a scowl and I know he's not too happy with me.

"Did I just see Jacob leave?"