BOOK/CHAPTER REVIEWS [CLOSED FOR CATCHUP]

Review XXVI: After Time

Kei_Angelus

Rating: A, top notch stuff

So I don't review covers, but this is such a nice one I had to mention that.

Let's begin with the things I liked. First things first: the first line/segment. This was awesome. I believe you already saw my comment there, because it's so genius. It caught me off guard mostly, so I may be overreacting, but it is so original and fantastic when I did read it. Maybe I love it so much because I can instantly empathize with the character because of writer's block, but it works regardless.

Your transition to the memory is flawless, and the introduction of both the characters through the memory tells me a lot about each of them. You general writing is very advanced and flows very well. You obviously have some years under your belt and are experienced in the craft. I don't even have to know who you are to tell that.

There's always some grammatical thing my pruning eyes find in every review, and for you it's towards. Forwards, forwards, backwards, etc. While some (especially backwards) are technically proper Americanisms, most aren't. Towards and forwards should instead be toward and forward, and we always want to strive to be our tea-gurgling friends across the sea.

One of the only real (main) criticisms I would offer is the lack of imagery and description. this includes setting, I should mention. Yes, you define the tone and define the places, and even give us the taste of the cigarette, but there was always something missing. I know already that your book is based off of the characters and their interactions, but imagery, details, and setting is still very important. You mention the taste of nicotine (it's tasteless btw), but don't describe its burning taste and cooling effect on the senses. You mention the bustling office but don't put the readers in that moment, capturing it so we can be there. The truth is that your imagery and description is minimal, and that would be a good change to have. Remember: touch, taste, hearing, seeing, and smelling. Using all five, without going overboard and being obvious with them, makes for good writing and really grounds the reader in the story.

My last nagging bit is that we have no ties to the Carra at the end and the impression that her memory left on Jo of her at the book store isn't left on us since we basically have no idea of the gravity of what that memory means to Jo. If you can make it more impressionable on the readers that would be a good hook at the end.

Although I hate the word hook.

That's really all I have to say. You wrote a good chapter. It works very well, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading. I wish I were smarter or more experienced to offer more, but it will only come in time.

Excellent job and I hope you keep writing! Your characters are easily your strong suit, and I am interested to see where they go on from there.