Loving him is so wrong!

Chapter 42

Chandler
I was mad as shit at Alana and seriously had to leave before I hurt her. As much as I wanted to stop choking her I just couldn't I wanted her to feel how I felt after reading those messages. Breathless. I was speeding to Levi's house with only one thing on my mind and that was to kick his ass some more.
"Why are you here for Chandler?" Levi said as he opened the door.
"Tell me what the fuck happened between you and Alana!"
He looked at me and then shook his head. I just stared at him waiting for some answers but he wasn't saying anything which was making me even more angry than I already was.
"Nothing happened between us. The fuck is you talking bout?"
"Here read these." I said as I threw my phone towards him. He caught it and went through every screenshot and then the pictures. He laughed and then reread some of the messages then threw my phone right back to me.
"Harmless flirting Chandler nothing happened between us. And let me guess Mon gave you these messages." Levi said
"Yeah she called me this morning and told me that she had something to tell me."
"Fucking bitch went through my phone! And went through old shit that I was doing to piss you off!" Levi fumed
"Why was you there in the first place?" I questioned already knowing the answer.
"To get my dick sucked"
I looked at him and busted out laughing. We were dying laughing for about ten minutes and then I stopped and started crying. Levi looked at me and got up and brought out two cups and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
"I fucked up." I said as I grabbed my drink and downed it.
"What did you do?"
I looked at him and poured some more in my cup and sat back. I'm not telling him shit. I just thought about how Alana looked so scared as I strangled her.
"None."
"Come on now James. What did you do?" Levi said as he called me by my dad's name. I looked at him and chuckled. I hated when people called me James.
"I'm not like him at all." I said standing up
"Chandler yes you are. You overreact and you use your fist instead of your words. Look now I know you probably did something to Alana."
"I ain't do shit to her!" I yelled
"Okay. Let's say I believe you what did you do hypothetically."
"Hypothetically I may have strangled her."
"Oh yeah you are so not your father at all. Just like 99% of him." Levi said
"Told you I fucked up! I walked away so that has to count."
"Chandler you could have killed the girl! She's like a hundred pounds smaller than you! You need some fucking help because next time Alana pisses you off she won't be alive to hear your apologies." Levi said
"I'm not going to kill her I just need her to listen to me." I said dismissing him
"If you want them to listen you discipline. So tell me again how are you not your father? This rage you have against not accepting the fact that you are just like him isn't healthy at all and Alana is suffering the most from it. You need anger management classes and you need to stick with them not do it for a month and then stop. Think about Avery, you want him to not have both of y'all in his life because you're in jail and Alana is dead? Fucking think Chandler hitting doesn't make her listen it makes her afraid. Just like how your mom was. Break the cycle Chandler you can do it. Better late than never." Levi said
I sat there digesting everything he is saying and he's fucking right. I am my father but I don't want to say it out loud. Fuck! I tried so fucking hard not to become this crazy manic tyrant of a man but I did.
"I hear you Levi, I gotta go home and make things right."
"Alright. If you plan on just hitting your way out of situations just leave her alone. Spare her life she's such a nice person."
"I know. I fucking know." I said before I got in the car and went to buy her a new phone and then went home to her. Once I got home I saw Alana looking at her phone sadly and shaking her head. I was still mad so I couldn't say anything to her I didn't want to start a fight again.
"He's buying me a new fucking phone!" Alana said
"I already did." I said as I gave her the phone and grabbed Avery from her.
"He needs a bath."
"I got it."
"And milk Chandler."
"Pump." I said as I went into Avery bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and cut the water on and waited until it was on the right temperature. Then I put him inside of the water. I sat there and looked at him and cried. I didn't want him growing up thinking it was okay to hit on women and I damn sure don't want my daughters to end up with someone like me. Then my mind went to Alana, no matter what happened between us she always saw the good in me or the better me as she always told me.
"Avery don't be like me. Successful yes but hitting on women and not controlling your anger no. I'm trying my best here and I want to make your mommy happy but I only fuck up. Break the cycle baby boy." I said to Avery. Avery looked up at me and smiled making me smile with him. I started to wash his hair and then went to wash his body. Once I was done getting him ready for bed I went out and grabbed the bottle from Alana. It's best if we don't sleep in the same bedroom tonight plus I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about everything. After I fed Avery he was out and I was left alone with nothing but my thoughts. I tried my best to fall asleep but I couldn't I had to talk to her and make sure everything was alright. I got up out of the bed and walked into the her room. I watched as she was peacefully sleeping. I softly grabbed her neck and looked to see if I left any hand imprints but thankfully I didn't.
"You know my dad use to say if you want them to listen you discipline." I said loudly
Alana jumped out of her sleep and turned and looked at me. I told her the stories about my dad and how he raised us to believe that disciplining is always the way to go with women. It sounds crazy but that's how I thought you were supposed to love someone growing up.
"I'm sorry baby I didn't want to blow up like this, i didn't want to hurt you I just did."
"You need help Chandler! I don't know if I can stay if you hit me again. I try my best to make sure I don't piss you off but what type of life is that? Walking on eggshells my whole relationship because if I do something you will hurt me. I don't want that, I want to just be able to have a healthy argument and then we solve the problem with out the hitting. Is that too hard for you?" Alana asked
"Yes in a way it is. I can communicate but when I'm mad I can't control it. It's like every time I hit you I black out. I can try to get help but please don't leave me."
"You need to not try but do. I don't want Avery thinking how you treat me is how he's supposed to treat women."
"I know. And again don't give up on me I'm willing to start over." I said as I grabbed her and sat her on my lap.
"I need to see some progress or something before I just willingly get with you."
"I can start by sleeping in the spare room and finding a therapist. But i don't feel like moving my clothes I'll just come in here and get them." I said I couldn't control myself I had to kiss her neck. I kissed on her and licked on her neck. I then went to her soft lips and kissed her. She looked at me and smiled then kissed me back.
"Yeah you can continue to do that." She moaned
"Tilt your head back some more. Yeah just like that.."
She had her eyes closed but then opened her eyes.
"I gotta call Zara."
"Right now?" I asked as I continued to kiss her neck.
"Yes. Now stop it" Alana said as she laughed
She sat down on the bed and waited until the she picked up.
"Oh sorry I didn't mean to call you." She looked at her phone and then scrunched her face up.
"Terrence what are you doing with Zara's phone?" Alana said.
I quickly grabbed her phone and put it on speaker.
"I-ahh I ummm can we talk in person?" Terrence said
"Or we can talk now?" Alana said
"Who is that you're talking to babe?" Zara said in the background
"It's Lana." Alana said in a humorous voice
"Oh shit. Lana I-I-I'm sorry. It's not what you think we are just friends. I would never do something like this." Zara said
"Yeah we're not sleeping with each other or nothing just two friends hanging out that's all. Nothing else just chilling." Terrence quickly added
Alana looked at me and started laughing at them. She truly didn't care if they were together or not but hearing them explain it was funny as fuck. I started to laugh to and then Alana started talking.
"It's okay Zara I'm not mad at you or anything. I thought you had a thing for TJ but I guess not. It's fine." Alana said
"You sure? I mean he's your ex fiancé."
"I don't think it counts since we were only engaged for ten hours. Like I said I'm not mad if anything g I picture you two together better than me and him together."
"So?" Terrence said
"So what? It's fine. I was just calling to tell Zara that everything is fine and that I'll see her tomorrow for our nail appointment. The only person y'all gotta really worry about is Chandler." Alana laughed
She's right I don't like Terrence at all and now knowing that he's dating my daughter I definitely don't like him. He just rubs me the wrong way , maybe it'll be different since he's not trying to be with Alana. Nah it's Zara I hate him even more now.
"Shit I forgot about my dad. Lana talk to him about it for me pleeeeeaaaasseee" Zara said
"I'm right here Zara. But I guess we'll talk later on. Goodnight."
"Good night dad and night soul mate." Zara said
"Goodnight my soul mate." Alana said before hanging up.
Damn this shit just got way weird. Terrence is going from someone I was in competition with for Alana to someone I have to watch around my daughter. I shook my head and looked at Alana who doesn't at all seem bothered by this. She was taking off her clothes and braiding her hair back like that conversation didn't just happen.
"You sure you okay with that?" I asked her
"It isn't the first time we shared men Chandler."
"Wait, what?"
"Good night boo." Alana said as she kissed me on the cheek and then got into bed. Shared men? The hell have they been doing.
"That sounds gross and I don't want to hear it."
"Good. Because I'm not going to tell you anything. Are you sleeping in here or are you going to sleep in the spare room."
"I'm already here so I'm sleeping here. Baby I'm serious about changing." I said as I pulled her to me
"Okay Chandler. I'll believe it when I see it. Anyways goodnight I love you." Alana said
"I love you too."
If you don't want to be your dad then it's time to change starting with Terrence. I'll have a man to man with him and then I'll go from there. You can do this Chandler.